What I Need to Do

What I need to do ...
Take an evening and "just do it, WRITE." I have all these pages and addition in my spiral notebook and my folder just there. I've added so much detail and ideas; I need to just sit down in front of my laptop and write.

When I was taking that 1st CR class, I'd sit down at around 10 p.m. sometimes earlier and "just do it, WRITE!" I'd stay writing until midnight, sometimes three or four a.m. I enjoy writing for long periods of time; I need to do it more often.

Last night, my allergies were getting to me, derepente. I don't know what happened; one minute, I am jamming out to Little Joe. When I say jamming out, I mean JAMMING OUT! Singing along with the radio, leaning my head back, letting out gritos. Nombre! The next minute my eyes are so watery, looks like I've been crying or I'm taking some bad sh*t! I did not feel like doing ANYTHING. I read a little while and went to sleep.

I want to complete this story; I have so many ideas. People (friends) are asking me if I am going to publish this story. I think I want to but I am not sure what category it falls into. It's too adult to be young adult, but then too young to be adult. I don't know man! I guess it's adult. Starts off in high school then they're in college, then they're grown up. Sounds like a life story eh? It is. About all these young Latina girls who go through HELL growing up. Some of them worse than others. In the end, they are successful Latina professionals with one hella story to tell; I'm proud to be the one sharing it. I think this one story I've been working on about Xandra and Alondra is going to be a novel. For real, it would be an interesting and insightful novel for Americans to read. I say Americans because we're all American, verdad? With our different skins and different languages, but we're still American. I'm proud to be American where at least I know I'm free... You know that song? They played it out after 9/11.

I'm going to work on that story. Sabes que? I'm gonna send it out to a few friends; get some opinions, feedback, critiques. I'm actually going to share one of my stories. I am not going to be a selfish stingy b*tch for once.

My Fave Mexican Artist - Frida Kahlo

I found this quote today online @ the AOL Member site for Frida Kahlo. At her last exhibition in Mexico, Frida said to reporters:

I am not sick. I am broken. But I am happy as long as I can paint.

I can relate so well to this statement as a fellow artist. I call myself an artist sometimes because I have been told that I can paint beautiful images with my words. Writing gives me that comfort, that escape, that relief. Whenever I write, I feel as if I am releasing all my bent up and twisted emotions onto paper. Relieving. Refreshing. Rejuvenating. I am not going to sit here and type that "oh my life has been so hard; I was poor; etc etc." Because, it hasn't been THAT difficult but everyone has those obstacles to overcome; que no?

I've had some experiences that I tell no one about. I do not want to say no one because every now and then I start to trust someone and tell them about that bad experience. Bad experiences. I've had my share. It was not until recently that I actually WROTE about a bad experience I had. I'd rather not go into detail, right now. But put it like this - I re-CREATED this experience. Through the experience was a hidden message which is similar with most of my writings. (That's another reason I wrote about this experience.)

I share this because when I watched the movie Frida, I was surprised when she started painting her abortion/miscarriage. I'm saying "Ok she had issues!" My best friend was here with me. He told me "Maybe, that's how she copes with it." BOOM! I should've known, being a fellow artist after all.

Writing is therapy for me as well. It does hurt sometimes to re-read these experiences but then I'm all about - LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW. My own writings remind me of my past mistakes and how "ok, I f*cked up, let me get back on my feet." That's what I'm thinking about when I'm writing these stories.

Let me tell you, some of my stuff is depressing; I ain't about to lie. But, let's face it folks, it's LIFE. How many teenagers grow up without any problems, socially, emotionally, and physically? Name one.

Ok, you can't. That's what I write about. These young Latinas have these problems, they fall down -what matters is they get up.

Sometimes, we have to paint these strong paintings of death to inspire people to live. Frida painted so much about her own life. Did she know the impact she would have on the WORLD?

She paints clear images that can be intrepreted in different ways though. The symbolism is there, not everyone thinks this way. I take this into consideration when I am writing. I write what I perceive but someone else may see something else or maybe something I didn't even notice was there.

Frida had a lot of nerve to paint the way she did; she also had a lot of emotion. Alright, that's powerful. Don't even have to say anything. Just show the painting and the tears, the pain, the suffering is there.

To contrast that, Frida's photographs where she is dressed like a man. I see class, strength, LIFE. Free expression. She was screaming "I want to be me!" This is admirable and inspiring.

After looking at Frida's bio sites, I sat back and thought about my own life as well as my own "therapy." Of course, I was inspired to write. I got to work on that "story" I need to turn into my instructor! I'm starving - about to go grab some grub!