Closing Chapters, Holidays, and Bells

Last time I blogged I was really excited about my new classroom. It was great and such a wonderful learning experience ~ the whole month it lasted. The district had to hire a "certified" teacher. Since I barely began the process, I am not "qualified." The process has been stressful, but I have been studying and taking everything one day at a time. Honestly, I knew it was God's will when it happened. The principal wants to hire me in August though, so that's a great thing! I miss the kids a lot. They sang some songs to me and made me pretty cards. I was close to tears on my last day before the new teacher took over. The tears were also of joy because, the kids and I grew so close. I truly realized what a difference I made in their lives. They are wanting to invite me to their quinceaneras and saying how cool I am. It was tough to love every student the way God wants us to love His children, but I managed. I learned from them as much as they learned from me. Before I left, we had started this enjoyable short story collection, Local News by Gary Soto. Spanish words were flying through the air, and students were enjoying and relating to the stories. Those are some sweet memories.

The holidays are approaching. I am looking forward to the time off from school. I have a holiday job already lined up with Fossil. So this will be the "fifth" year I spend Christmas in retail, but it will be nice to be in customer service again. Not to mention, I will be working in the same city as Tony, so I will get to see him.

As for our relationship, it is wonderful. Lately, Tony has been telling me how he never gets bored with me, and I am amazed. Truly amazed to the point that I am speechless. Because I am such a unique individual! We've been going to church together, and Sunday, he actually visted my church and felt the message speak to us. Our spiritual connection is growing stronger every day. I pray that every couple can enjoy this type of bond as Christians - the way God wants us to love. I am not going to say our relationship is so smooth that we never fight. But, I can say that we never stop communicating, and there are times I close myself up and struggle, and try to struggle by myself, but he's always there reaching out for me. I give thanks to God every day for that. More and more each day, we realize which direction this relationship is heading. Every day, I talk to God, and I tell Him, how everything that has happened in my life is HIS plan, not mine. The joy and peace I have is infinite - as large as the galaxies of stars in the night sky. It's as bright as the morning rays that pour over me at daybreak. The direction we are going - ......................... marriage.

Of course, we have struggled to accept this. In my mind, I question if I am too young or if I have lived enough or what of finances? or what about grad school? But then I turn to my devotionals and scripture the way I do in these times of doubt, and God will comfort me. Statements will jump out at me like "two is better than one, because one will hold the other when one falls. Two will keep warm, pity on the one who is alone." That's scripture, Ephesians 4:9-12.
Then there are those moments with Tony, when all I have to do is look at him, and any troubles just melt away or he has an answer for my questions or he feels the same about something. We are alike; it's like looking in the mirror sometimes. One of my students used to tease me because I had pictures of us on my desk. He would say that my boyfriend looked my cousin, lol. I guess we have truly became part of each other that we're starting to resemble each other, lol.

He has not formallly proposed yet, but he said he's going to and it's going to be special. I am excited, but I also know how serious this is. Forever. Commitment. Sure, I think of the wedding festivities, and I do have my colors picked out (red, gold, and ivory,) and I have an idea of what my dress is going to look like. I also have a theme in mind, something of angels and gold stars. A biblical theme. Revelations. But...........

there is spiritual preparation. Mediation of Scripture. Reading books like "the Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Bible study.Prayer. Drawing close to God. That's what matters more to me. Not all the decorations and dresses and festivities. But, the vows and the sincerity I will have when saying them. There are ways I will learn like praying the Rosary with Tony. Learning what is necessary for us to get married by the Catholic Church, because I was not raised Catholic.
We want to continue growing and there is the constant struggle between the world and God. We are willing to fight the "Good Fight," though. We know that we will not be a classic Romeo & Juliet tale, but live through this triumphantly.

I am excited about what is going to happen in my life, but at the same time, I must give it to God and allow him to guide us and provide His Divine Direction.

In closing, I hope I can blog again and keep all my readers and blogging buddies up to date. I wish everyone a Happy Holidays! Let us not forget that ~ JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!

My Storm, My Testimony, My New Beginning

Months ago, I was battling and struggling with a storm in my life, but I was growing closer to God -complete surrender. For the first time in my life, I put most of my worries away, and put Jesus in the driver's seat. That's why I played "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood for the longest on this blog. Within, I was fighting the enemy and my heart. My heart was telling me something else and the enemy was telling me something else. A true emotional tug-of-war. Yet, I prevailed. At one point in my life, some adminstrators told me that I should not be a teacher and abused their power in a horrible way that degraded me. I stood firm to my belief and stated my purpose yet was punished for stating the truth. Amazing how bad experiences can scar us. I wanted to stay away from public education. I did not want to deal with these issues again. I was going to avoid it, but then, my life took a turn. An angel appeared before me in a vision, and suddenly, I knew there was this calling inside me to teach again. That's why I pursued substitute teaching again, and that familiar joy lit me up inside -that fire rose within me and I could smile again with the knowledge of God's blessing.

I share this because it is a testimony in itself. Things happen in our lives, but we learn despite all the darkness, God is going to bring light again in our lives.

When I suffered from anxiety,
lack of sleep,
tossing and turning,
because I did not know
which direction to go

God showed me the way
not only through
the children that I teach
the lives that I touch
but other people
who spoke about the need
for positive role models

Then that burst of light
fell upon me
bathed me
cleansed me
guided me

I sang the song,
crying out to God
"Take me, mold me, use me, fill me, I give my life to the Potter's hand.
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life, to the Potter's hand."

He showed me His purpose for me. A great Revealation.

Then last week, an opportunity was presented before me. A teacher I had subbed for is leaving; she approached me about taking over her class. I was unsure, but I agreed.
I just told God, "You know what is in Your plan for me... my life is in your hands. You are my strength." The teacher and I discussed it, and then she said she would recommend me to the principal so that I could begin and take over her class. I prayed on it immediately on Wednseday night.
Thursday morning, my boss sent me back to the middle school, so I knew that I needed to approach the principal. I was not nervous at all, but relaxed and confident. He said that he would have to consult the personnel directior about me taking over the class.
Thursday night, I prayed again, but not so much that I had anxiety, but enough to let Jesus know that he was in the driver's seat.
Friday morning, the principal showed up outside my classroom door, and asked me if I was serious about teaching the 6th grade Reading class, and I nodded, not able to hide the smile and gratitude that was shining on my face. Wow! My own classroom. It has always been my dream since I was a little girl, and here I am, living my dream.
Amazing how I used to play school, and I worked hard during college to be on my way to a Master's degree, and here God places me in a classroom, mentoring, shaping, and molding the next generation. Thanks to God!
I still have the teacher certification process to complete, so that I may receive benefits and the teacher salary, but that's another struggle that God is going to help me with.

I've spoken about new attitudes - little did I know that my new attitude would bring me such blessing. I did not expect this so soon, but it's an answer to my prayer and those innocent dreams I had as a little girl.
I am ready... ------------ to embrace this new beginning in my life.

Revelations and Realizations

I have grown closer to God through prayer, Bible-study, church, and experiences. He is helping me every day of my life. Credit to God for the above photo - the good news - ... Tony and I are back together!! I say that in exclamations, because I am very grateful. All this time that I gave him back to God; he showed up back in my life a month ago. Some days I feel like he never left my side, and other days, I feel as if I am with this brand-new man who God has placed by my side for only reasons He has yet to reveal. Right now, we are enjoying each other; we still have some bridges to cross, but we will cross those bridges with faith. We're not letting go. The first days were filled with tears of forgiveness, peace, and joy. I still cry sometimes, because I am so thankful for him. I love him that much, that when I am with him, I feel myself exploding with joy.

Why do I love Tony so much? Because of his vision and perception. When he looks at me, he sees my soul, my heart, my mind, my desires, - most importantly, my faith. I dated/talked to other men while we were apart, and none of them saw me the way that Tony sees me. He does not just see "a woman who has a lot going for her.." but sees a woman who loves God and is commited to her relationship with Jesus. I learned this over the summer - that's how I want a man to see me. I never thought Tony would come back and see me that way, and stare into my eyes with such warmth and understanding.


I cannot believe a month has passed since I last blogged. I get so wrapped up in my life; I am not even a full-time student anymore, but still find myself so busy. A lot has taken place over the past month. Wonderful exciting news. I am still a full-time substitute, and let me tell you that ~God is using me every day~ to help those kids. I just got a call to go teach 7th grade Math; the teacher actually requested me. Neat-O!

Over the past month, I realized a lot of things like "I got so much love to give..." I am thinking of the Barry White song hahaha. No, but seriously, I know the joy that God gives me in his Divine Love. I am also ecstatic that I have Tony in my life who never gets bored with me, but instead, we have these amazing conversations and experiences together. We are getting to know each other on a different level, not just physically, emotionally, but also spriitually.

The revelation that has taken place... a few weeks ago, God showed me where I need to be right now. You know, I was struggling about teaching and going to grad school all the time - worrying, surrendering to God... then, He showed me where I am most needed right now. I have a gift for working with kids; I understand them; I relate to them. Grad school is gonna wait. One evening that Tony and I spent together, we went to a football game, got rained on after about 20 mins, and then ran to the car, tried to dry off, then talked to each other. He was amazed at how close these kids are to me, and how I know exactly what to say to them. He told me how I had a gift, and that touched me greatly. I felt an incredible joy while at the football game, almost like a celebrity because the kids were just running up to me to hug me and yell out, "Ms. C!" Those kids @ that south side middle school will always have a special place in my heart, because they have spoken to me and said in so little words, "You are the coolest! We need you! we look up to you." Ahh, they do. They copy the kind of clothes I wear, even the way I talk, I've caught some girls doing that. Or whatever I say, they believe me. They see me as an example. I gotta be there for them. So, I am going to start teh teacher certification process - it's an extensive fast-paced workshop, but by next August of 2007, I should have my own classroom so woohoo!!!

We went to chruch that evening, and I felt a wonderful wave of peace pass through my body that I thought I was goign to pass out from hunger or the Holy Spirit or maybe a combination? There was a sermon about working with youth and how they need Godly people to lead them not only on the right path but to Jesus. I understood, and I saw myself doing that, continuing to do that, and it was then that I kneeled on my knees and offered praise and thanksgiving to God.

Teaching in Spanglish - I Still Got that Fire

God is so good! That's what I thought this morning as I drove to work. It was around 6:50 a.m. and the sun was rising above the water in a bright pink. I had never seen the sun look so beautiful. I listened to Praise & Worship music and praised God the whole way. Sunrise - the start of a new day. Ironically, ,the song that came on was "New Day" by Avalon, this great Christian group I enjoy listening to. By the title, you can see....yep, I am back in the classroom.




I signed up to a subsitute in another school district, and my heart is just filling with joy as I teach again. I had the wonderful opportunity to teach bilingual classes this week. At first when they called me on Monday, I agreed but prayed, (b/c my Spanish is not perfect) that I would make it through the day. Fortunately when I arrived, the little 2nd graders were talking English! I was suprised! Then one of the little girls told me, "We learn both Spanish and English." Wow! What a neat program! It was so neat to point to the pictures and say "libro - book, espejo- mirror." The little girls told me I was beautiful and called me "Miss Pretty." I couldn't stop blushing. I learned from them as they learned from me - a super awesome experience.

I had high schoolers yesterday, that age of "I know who I am" "I know everything" and I'll think about respecting you. I don't mind high school, but there are a lot of "knowitalls" and that can be irritating when the students think they know more than me, but nonetheless, I enjoyed it! Before I forget to mention, the power went out FOUR times, so there I was sweating for 30 mins and hearing freshmen whine about "I can't breathe." There was one window up high, so there was no way I could it open. We were trying to read all in the dark! At least, we got dismissed early! I got to teach Spanish once again. There were some kids who come from a culture that knows both America and Mexico, and they KNOW that we have it so much better here, and they actually appreciate it! Now, how's that for some maturity?

I realized today with my 6th graders when they started hugging me and drawing me pictures and telling all their friends how nice I am - that, I still got that fire. A motivational speaker was talking to kids once then he shifted to the teachers and said, "And you TEACHERS, what happened to that fire? Why don't you smile at the kids anymore? Why dont you love your job anymore? Don't you know that these kids NEED you." No words about teaching had ever touched me as much. They rang back at me today as I stood there outside the classroom door, somewhat baking in the heat, but watching the children and saying inside "I belong here."

What more can I say? I am thinking of delaying grad school; I get so attached. But I keep thinking that right now, I am young and I should get it over with. It's always been the plan to go directly to grad school. I also have this wild hair about getting ceritified in bilingual edu. BUT, it costs so much - the whole teacher certification - not to mention the time.
I don't know... God knows though. ;)

Time, Trials, and Treasures

Time seems to go by so quickly. It feels like just yesterday I was completing my B.A. and now, I realize it has been nearly two months. I still have no job. I told God, "Thank you. I am where you want me to be right now." I'll do what I can with my time. I have slept half my days away and read some interesting books. I have written some love poetry, a few short stories that are only strings waiting to be knotted and completed..and...last week, I made the commitment to start working on chapters of my novel and actually asking people to read. I have some readers now who are offering some great criticism and some techniques that are really helping me. I have never made such a commitment like this before to my writing; I am glad I have. It's so easy to say "Yeah, i wrote a novel." Anyone can say that, but you know what? I do not want to be just a talker; that's not me, I want to say that I've completed and working on getting it published. Final Editing Stages - that's where the novel is - after a whole year. I cannot believe a whole year has rolled by. Amazing how Time just goes by.

-Trials - I am facing a trial right now. My faith is being tested. I don't like not having a full-time job and I hate to look at the numbers in my bank account reduce to only two digits, when I am so used to seeing three or four digits. I am getting frustrating, seeing the bills roll in one after another. I always preach about being so positive, yet at times, I feel myself drowning in my own emotions. Then I get mad at myself for wasting my time, moping around or sleeping half the day because I am bored. But it's getting better - my friends call me and cheer me up or ask for favors, and I gotta be the cheerful bright Elsie. I gotta remind myself over and over.

-Treasures - Thursday, I went to the movies with a wonderful patient gentleman who's in my life, and I thank God for him every day. It felt good to relax and unwind. Without the burden of a relationship and thinking I am gonna miss this man when he leaves to go work in Houston, but instead stating - the distance might do us some good. I notice that he's not all wrapped up in my outside image, but instead we have actual conversations. Last Friday when my best friend Abee and I went out, I was doing some crazy daring stuff that made my heart race. I wanted to scream in laughter. Saturday night was the same with the girls - all loud and crazy inside Chilis. But all fun... Nice to know that Life still has treasures.

Presence of People, Photography, and Prayer Works!

I find that when I am around people, I am experiencing one of God's most precious creations. I find that life feels so much richer and interesting. Last week, my best friend Abee and I went out to garage sales, resale shops, pizza, expensive jewelry store, the library, the book store, chinese food buffet- we went to a variety of these places during the week.

It was fun talking to different people as we shopped and got great bargains. At times, we wanted the same things - like the silver cross with the sun and moon snuzzled closely together. I said, "Abee - lemme get some Christmas ideas for you!" People look at us and see this connection - like brother and sister. I've truly believed that we're soul mates - connected so well.
That sun and moon reminds me of us - because the sun is bright and round (like me) and the moon is slim with that twinkling star in the eye - like Abee.

There's something about being around people that brings me home with stories blossoming in my imagination. I don't just "see" people; I take them inside my mind and wonder why they do the things they do or where they come from. For instance, the Mexican woman with dyed black hair @ the resale shop, "Milagros." - told me "that's a dollar." as I bought several little trinkets. She spoke great English although she kept talking about "Mejico" as her home. I thought that stereotype that they all have accents is not true! She gave me a Christian fiction book and said "God Bless You, mija." She sold me one of those scented candles in dark red that are normally like nine dollars @ JcPenney or Dillard's for only two dollars as she gave me that blessing with a genuine sincerity in her eyes.

When I immediately told my mom that I went to a resale shop called "Milagros." She frowned and asked me what was there. She then told me that "milagros" means miracles in Spanish - what a wonderful translation, but then she explained how sometimes those stores actually have amuletos, oils, "voodoo" stuff, candles scented with certain oils for love spells. She started to reprimand me asking if I asked for something to get my ex-boyfriend back, and I started to laugh so loudly! No, I am not going to mess with free will like that and God is my father, and He's in control!!

Photography is one of my passions. Last time, I had some alone time with my camera - I took ths photograph @ this wonderful place where I might be working near... I can already see myself with notepad, Bible, camera, cell phone, hopes and dreams, surrounding me, as I enjoy the peacefulness of the water and hear the comforting touches of the waves on the pier. Starting a new job is almost like falling in love and wanting to see that person and getting so excited, I cannot rush though and say that everything is final, because I am still waiting for the answer. But i gotta admit that the excitement is here.

It's what I've been praying for - just totally surrendering to God - although it was difficult at first. I have to leave y'all in suspense about the job offer, but I think it's my calling and God had to show me a few things before placing me back on that path, and I have to continue praying. But I must admit that I am so ready - for this new beginning - that all my pretty clothes is out because I want to shine again. I have to start getting to sleep before - well 4 a.m. *blushes* I know I am such a night owl.

Maybe that red candle with the beautiful scent - has something to do with it. I've been lighting it every night and it fills me with a sense of peace and joy...... wink wink

Pulling Back the Curtains

Uncovering the skin
Revealing my identity
Blowing away the ashes

Surrounding me with hope
pulling back the curtains
I emerge
as my "own two feet" carry me forward

with elegance
with beauty
with confidence...

Pen grasped in hand
Fingers ready to type
I share

Glancing in the mirror
Seeing my face
But hearing
the music of stories
twirling

No more looking back


the chapters of my life


move forward
the pages turn...

No stopping me now
I have the baton
in this race of life
I will not stop
I will continue.


Gazing forward
with hope
goals to achieve
A SMILE. :)

Every Day is a New Day - Every Day is a Beautiful Day

I've been repeating this saying over and over, "Every day is a new day, every day is a beautiful day." Last summer, Iknew this wonderful co-worker who was a cancer patient, but she always had a smile every morning. She had a good heart; she brought me closer to God. We'd pray every morning before starting to work. We'd pray for all kinds of things - like good health, strength, blessings for the customers who would come through the door, we even prayed that I would get a boyfriend, and it worked! The Power of Prayer - I'm telling you - it works! I knew for awhile that I needed to get close to God again. I had planned on doing it, and I knew I needed to do it - once my heart was ready. I felt myself inches and inches closer, and then all of a sudden - I was there - close to God again, and recommitting my life to Christ.

I taught Vacation Bible School all last week, and it was a beautiful experience. Each day we spent time on topics like "worship, thanksgiving, forgiveness, obedience." When we discussed thanksgiving, I said that line "Every day is a new day, every day is a beautiful day. I glanced at the cloudy day outside and remembered last summer and my co-worker. We worked inside an office that appeared to be made of glass because there were windows surrounding us. We'd watch the days change from cloudy to sunny. We'd watch the cars pass and people come in and out of the office. I'd remarked one day "it's so ugly outside," referring to the rain. My co-worker said "No, Elsie, it's still a beautiful day. Some days with the sunshine are just more beautiful than others. You know why every day is beautiful?" I shook my head. "Because every day is a blessing from God." How true that is!

I shared this a year later with my students, ages 10-13. On Friday night, I sat down with my students and listened to them as they shared what they had learned. One little girl who had just commited her life to Christ days before, who had been filled with questions about this awesome friend of mine named Jesus, she smiled at me and repeated the line to me, "Every day is a new day, every day is a beautiful day." I smiled so big and let her hug me. I reminded myself to take my own advice and follow what I preach to so many - and it's hard - to achieve balance between living in the world and trying to be a strong Christian. I'm working on it.

Amazing how these words stay with me. Amazing how I can share them. I shared them again @ an event today where I was reading one of my poems in an effort to inspire the young freshmen girls. I did this a year ago, and I've changed so much. I keep moving forward - I keep changing - I think in a way, I do - I keep getting "better and better" like one of my favorite authors Ana Castillo. I can say this though - I am growing every day - enjoying every day.

I've gone back to the Rose Garden - not to remember October kisses - but to smell the roses.

I've gone back to the Rose Garden - not to dream of a wedding there - but to smell the roses.

Last night, I enjoyed the warm night. I was driving around with a fairly new friend, we had a great conversation, and he admitted that he liked the way I just say what's on my mind, and I realized that he can read me like a book. We talked, and I laughed - enjoying his light-hearted sense of humor. Then, he said "what you need is someone who will respect YOU and LOVE you for who you are and ACCEPT you for who you are." That's a truth..........

Life's Just Too Short

That's what I thought at the funeral on Wednesday, July 19th, 2006. It's here one minute and gone the next. It's up to us on how rich and full we want to make our lives. I was in North Carolina on my 22nd b-day, not celebrating, but mourning the death of my mom's half sister. I realized that life's just too short. We gotta live every day to the fullest. I know that's a cliche that has been used over and over, but we must follow that - try our best to be thankful for every day. Because every day is a new BEAUTIFUL day. Some days are more beautiful than the rest because of the bright sunshine, while others are dark, but the sun still peeks from behind the clouds.

Wake up with thanksgiving, instead of focusing on what we don't have, but being thankful for the blessing of every day. Every day is a blessing. To live and do God's will. Bring glory to Him and not ourselves.

I am going to make these goals and try to make them. I want to quit dwelling on who I was a year ago- quit dwelling on my past - quit wishing i could change what happened - quit wishing I was still 21 and could live all over again and do some things differently.

I am going to look forward to today and tomorrow - and be a better person - not who I was a year ago. I want to blog more - share my thoughts with the world the way I used to - be more positive. Write just to write - who cares if no one reads or comments?

I am closing a chapter - beginning a new one.
I'm letting go - read and discover.

I know that God is giving me a test right now. I have my Bachelor's degree, but no job yet. This area is small, and there aren't many available jobs for an English/Communications degree. I am not sure what to do - expand my photography business - keep on looking for clients?? Apply for a low-paying job?? Move to a bigger city? I am waiting, praying on it, having patience. I did apply for one job, but discouragement plays with me because it's been over a week since I submitted my twelve page application packet. I know that SOMETHING has to come up - God will take care of me...

Defining Our Freedom

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Happy 4th of July! - even if you're reading this after the 4th.

I love this holiday because I am thankful for being an American. I remember sitting in government class and hearing the professor praise the American woman. I remember feeling my cheeks beam and a gratitude fill my heart, and thinking that's me, I am an American woman. Later, composing the verse of "Real Live Woman."

Maybe, we take our freedoms for granted sometimes. Why do people remain silent about something when they know we have freedom of speech? Why fall victim to something they do not understand? Why submit to fear? Why hold onto pride and not get an education? Why are there more people in prisons than in colleges?

I value my education. I am so thankful that I have my Bachelor's degree now, and I think, if I wasn't an American - I wouldn't have this opportunity. This opportunity to express myself - hold onto cultural roots of being Mexicana and Tejana, yet at the same time, understand liberty and the Founding Fathers of my country. Study history and see what it tells me instead of reading the facts - trying to understand the humanity of past civilizations.

I got angry once when a student did not pledge allegiance to the flag - I made him do it twice, actually nearly three times. I told him, "Men are dying so you can stand here in this classroom. Now, I want to hear you say that again. Clearly." I stated firmly. We should acknowledge this holiday with thanksgiving.

I also enjoy my freedom of religion. I've grown closer to God these past few months. Something I knew for awhile that I needed to do for awhile - something I had placed on hold, but now I am where I need to be, and constantly moving toward where God wants me to be. I am a Christian and that's what matters - all different faiths - one God. Right?

Like our country in her beauty - different cultures - one country. That's the essence of our beauty. To me, that is true freedom - being able to be surrounded by people of different colors, religions, ages, etc. and not being judgemental but welcoming with open arms. Looking @ history, there were times when people stayed together. Just to mention a few - the Revolutions, Civil Rights Movement, Women's Movement, - why didn't I live then? I would've been someone leading the crowds. Look closely though - were there differences? Maybe some - the picture cannot be flawless, but look again - unity - the opportunity to fight for one cause - freedom.......

Scattered Thoughts~Treasured Moments

Another Page ~ Another Journey ~ Another End...
Pen pressed on paper, I take notes.
Eyes lifted, I absorb the lectures.
These are my days ... my last six college credit hours as an undergrad. I want to enjoy it and embrace it. Pull it closely to me, because I KNOW that in three weeks it will be over. And, I will no longer be an undergrad but a graduate. I will not know what to do with my time, look for a job, WRITE.

Scribbling during class
Sometimes, I am sitting there hearing the professor, but the voices inside me are shouting at me. (NO, I am not crazy! I'm talking about the voices of my characters.) Little things come to me about my stories, and new poems are manifesting. So my pink journal that I bought not too long ago, is already filling with pages of scribble but beautiful beginnings.

~Children Are the Light of the World

A few weeks ago, I was sitting through a Catholic Mass for a quinceanera, and the priest stated this. He beamed at the court that sat at the front row of the pews. I grinned my widest because I knew what he meant. "How beautiful the world is through the eyes of a child..." I love to be around kids and get caught up in their innocent dreaming. Perhaps, a part of me is searching for the innocence I lost. I cannot even dream even more. I'll admit there have been some moments, not too long ago, that I prayed to God before I went to sleep and as I awoke in the morning. I drew lip liner around my lips and told myself over and over, "Elsie, you're going to smile today." I'd go to work and teach those kids, loving every moment. Then it was snatched away. I gathered my sorrows, took 'em to God, and felt His love surround me. It was not easy... I've found other outlets to help kids; God has blessed me, and I must follow His will. It's amazing how the kids STILL love me; they run up to me in stores or follow me shyly. They look up to me because of WHO I am. They ask me for advice, because they know I've been in their place before, and I realize "Yep, I can use my experiences."

~Real-Live Angels

My friends have been supportive of me - always reaching out when I need them. There have been times, I didn't even need to reach out, and they just KNEW! I love you all!! True Angels! Those of you in cyber space and those of you in person - y'all know who y'all are!

I hope I have done the same. Some of them have admitted that my writing is inspiring - that means so much to me! It's so inspiring itself. The other night, I spent about an hour, shooting out over 100 lines of poetry about an incident that happened last week. People cried when they read it. Some of them were inspired to have faith. I shared a slice of my personality - didn't hide a thing. That's the kind of writer I am. If all else fails, I'll have some great stories to share.

I am FINALLY receiving some more ideas for my coverage of Hispanic males - (for my novel) some of the things they go through are pretty tough, and some of the things they do are pretty sad! Sorry in advance if I offend anyone...

Beauty of Life

I am earthy; I like material things. I throw a tantrum every time another scratch appears on my gold Impala. I run toward sales at the Mall and get excited over new accessories. I am a diva who has shoes that match my handbags and different sets of sparkling jewelry.

I am Elsie who is recongized for the boldness of red and the softness of pearly pink.

When do I smile the brightest?
What do I love the most?
What drives my determination?
~those beautiful moments that no money can buy.

1) Falling in Love
Nothing else makes my soul feel more alive and weak at the same time.

2) Expression
Using my voice to share, to guide, to inform, to entertain, to release...
My boldness. That's a reason I LOVE red so much.

A professor once told me that my most powerful talent as a writer was the ability to re-create human emotion and allow the reader to feel what "I" am feeling or what the characters of my imagination are feeling. I have emotions that stay inside and want to be released. I unclench my fists and allow the words to pour from my fingers into stories, poetry, - just flowing.

3) Heart - pearly pink - that's what I think of when I think of my heart. The Bible teaches us to love all - even our enemies. My pastor made the point in church the other day about this. I realized it was difficult when he said to even love that person "who has slammed the door in my face." Wow, makes Love seem all conquering - it does teach that Love never fails but first it is patient. I love to serve and minister to others. I like to use all aspects of my personality and character to help others. It's sacrificial - to put others' happiness before our own. But look @ Jesus - he died for us...

4) Youth - This one truly makes me smile and burst into laughter. I know people who still have that spirit of youth radiating in their presence even if they're in their forties or older! I pray I aways keep this youth. Like last week, the guys and I watched Poseidon and I squirmed with laughter because we were playfully teasing each other. I got my hand bit and my side poked. (Ok, I was being a kid...) My cheeks ached on the sides from laughing so hard. I pulled out my candy from my Melani handbag, and they're like "YEAH! She IS Mexican!" Sneaking candy into the movie theater - and I get called Mexican ok, so only Mexicans do that?!? They had just been teasing me about being a white girl trapped in Mexican skin because of my Texas accent! I love this about friendship - how we jokingly tease each other and have a great time - no matter what we are doing. I think it's that spirit of youth - just floating between us. Oh, Poseidon is not a comedy; there was a scene where someone dies and his body convulsed and his eyes stayed open staring blindly. Well, one of the guys, Angel, decided to pound on his chest and mimic the guy, because the actions were so exaggerated that we had to laugh.

After the movie, we cruized around. No more money so we had to do something that cost nothing, lol. The lives of college students - broke and discounted items. We passed through the cemeteries; I have this weird interest of cemeteries. Angel's face kept changing colors from flushed red to blue, and I'm asking "What's wrong?" He's shaking his head at me quickly. I'm thinking, "Maybe, he's choking?" We passed the cemetery and he lets his breath out quickly like he's gasping for air. I give him that look that says "What's wrong w/ you?" in confusion. He starts to laugh and say, "You can't breathe through a cemetery because the dead people will take the life out of you." OMG, I had to scream in laughter again. The dramatics that these guys pull on me just to see my face!!

That's not all - we went to the lake - now that's where I saw such beauty in life itself. Before we relaxed, Angel had to pull another dramatic act. I was getting ready to sit on the concrete table and look at the lake that surrounded us. The sun was starting to set and I was ready to relax in this peacefulness. Angel starts to walk around the edge near the water and look for clams. I tell him to stay in my sight as I lean back. I felt like I was getting after a kid even though he's much older than that. I talked to my other friend for awhile when I heard Angel scream out "Oh sh*t!" and disappear under the bank. I start to scream in fear that he had fallen into the water. I could already picture half of his body devoured by an alligator. We rushed over there only to find him standing behind the wide trunk of a tree and grinning michieviously. ;) Shaking my head, but thinking I still love these guys!!

The sun was starting to set so we lied down on the concrete table and the hardness did not feel so uncomfortable underneath me as I focused on the sky. The pink and orange of the sunset lowered and the midnight blue of the night sky emerged. There was half day and half night - don't we call that dusk? But to see it while lying on my back with a content grin on my face - is unforgettable! You should try this sometime!! Just get away from the rush of the city and go somewhere quiet and peaceful and watch the sun set - and welcome night. And, laugh because humor is so healing!

Update on Mi Vida Loca

I know I promised to blog more often, well - hey here I am again! Good news: Finals are over! I am one class away from my Bachelor's degree....wait....applause.......
bows..."thank you." Okay - just a major moment of conceit lol - no - I meant confidence and gratitude. I am so thankful that all this hard work is finally paying off. God is opening new doors for me every time I turn around. I used to run FAR away from change or shake my head consistently, "Nope, don't want change!" and throw a tantrum like a two year old, but now I am adjusting to change in a much better way.

I celebrated Cinco de Mayo in Houston, Texas and had such a wonderful time. I had the opportunity to meet with some great artists. I was super-excited - the way I get when Dillard's has a 75% sale.

The first person I ran into - as I searched for the auditorium to hear Jackie Guerra (from Selena) speak - was "shoegirl," a blogging friend, and sucia! We just ran into each other - how cool is that?

After that motivatinal speech from Jackie Guerra, I walked out of there thinking "I am going to flaunt my big booty and remeber I am a MEXI - CAN!" These were some valid points in her speech. I started to explore the booths and wanted to get my hands on everything. I stuffed my bag with brochures, pens, books...it was a LATINO book fair! My niece pointed out this awesome Frida Kahlo tote-bag that I just had to purchase in bright red. I took a photo of this art work that is my shout right now -

I just love art work that speaks whether through text like this example or visually through the actual appearance. I also just love the bright colors.

I also had to stand there next to this other art-work -what do you think of this photo? I have another where I am smiling - all close-mouthed, and I look a little stuck up - this is more ME.

I bought Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez's new book, Make Him Look Good, and it's now autographed in purple script. I was in the front row hearing her speak, and wow, she has a great sense of humor that just lit me up and made me laugh so hard I nearly cried. And, check out this photo -
Everything else is just plain peachy! Will tell you more next time!!! So stay tuned until the next entry of Mi Vida Loca!!

What Takes You Home?

As many of you know, I am one proud Tejana! When I hear Tejano music, I go home. That's all it takes - the sounds of the accordion, the beat of the drums, the chimes of the saxophone - okay, I know saxophone don't chime but they sound so beautiful! This makes me feel @ home. I grew up hearing Tejano music, and it's something that is embedded in my veins because it's my "sangre" (blood).

My best friend since Kindergarten, linked me to this Tejano
website, and I've been jamming to it so much lately.

Memories come back...good memories! I remember Fiesta in San Antonio, lost nights in the market square, ending up at a carnival, or the time I developed pictures of STRANGERS because my boy got too happy with that camera; he still has that habit.

Another more recent memory was early January of 2006, strolling around the market square holding onto the ex's left hand and admiring Frida Kahlo paintings. I was like a kid in the candy store, going crazy and wanting everything. Apparently, he saw my eager face and knew I wanted one so there we go, walking off with a Frida Kahlo painting wrapped carefully in paper so it wouldn't get ruined. "Two Fridas" - my favorite painting of hers. And, let's not forget the big content smile on my face! I wake up every morning and see that painting; it's a beautiful sight in the morning.


When I hear Tejano music, I also think of the bailes on Saturday nights @ the K.C. Hall, learning how to "cumbia" and never learning how to dance polkas or rancheras because I always wanted to lead and dance my own free way. The ex was teaching me before we broke up... When I hear those soft romantic songs, I remember when he held me, and I finally got to slow-dance with a man. Yeah, 21 years old and never slow-danced with a man until that great time in January, and it only lasted a couple of minutes but the rhythm we had in each slide of our feet was truly magical - just like the whole entire relationship. Full of magic. :)

Okay, just realized something - two paragraphs about the ex - I need to let go! What else does Tejano music remind me of? Cruizes through town with one of my other best friends; his finger gently moving the dial till Ramon Ayala sang louder.

I could go on and on about Tejano music and identity like a previous post, but what makes you feel at home? Is it music or a certain food? A certain movie? A certain article of clothing?

Return to Blogging World

You'd think since I am taking a course on blogging that maybe I would update this blog frequently. The course is going well; I don't even know why I quit blogging on here.

Why do I turn to blogging again on here? - where I am truly myself and people have read and returned. I remember the trusting friendships I've formed as well as the insight I've been given from blogging. This is a major reason I've returned.

Another reason ~ I've had so many thoughts, emotions, ideas, realizations, going through my mind that I must release them.

What's the latest? Brief update - I hope it's brief.

I LOVE substitute teaching - that's where my heart and soul is. Those kids are the reason I arise in the morning - the reason that I find myself living. When I go to bed at night, I usually have a content smile on my face because I know there have been some lives I've touched that day. I've been placed at this middle school where the kids are from such a different world of gangs, violence, poverty - this is where I feel most needed. Sometimes, my heart breaks with disappointment. Other times, I beam at their success. I try my best to be there for "my kids." It's such a fulfilling job. I'll admit that there have been periods of frustration, but I've learned to embrace every challenge and it's amazing what God will do when you ask Him. I gotta keep smiling and showing that positive attitude, can't let the kids see me frown.

I am still writing, always writing. There are bits of fragments of stories and additions to my novel scattered in my laptop as well as my on-line storage. I've written some poetry as well. Once I polish up the work, maybe I'll post.

As I get closer to this Bachelor's degree in English and Communications, I feel the dimples form on the side of my mouth. I realize that I know the value of four years of hard work. I used to call college - my demanding husband and in the end, college has been that way, but the rewards and the experiences are paying off. I gotta keep spreading that message - it's such an important one.

I am single...after nearly six months of a wonderful relationship that recently ended. I don't know how to tell this story except that I am moving on slowly...The pain is slowly leaking away like the wax of a candle that slowly melts.

Ultimately, the realization has occured that I must focus on everything God gives me and blesses me with - and everything else will come later if it's in His plan. I am so content right now with my life, and I can't wait to start sharing more with all of you readers. It says in Proverbs (I am horrible @ remembering actual scriptures), that God will bless the one who stands upright so I am gonna keep on standing upright not "pridefully" but "proudly" - such an awesome difference.

Started A Blogging Course

After much persuasion from Abee

Abee's Blog

(my best friend), I signed up for the blogging course and hey, it's been fun! A bit confusion since our professor didn't logg in all week, but hey he's a busy man so I am understanding. Got all my assignments done and, well they want a blog each week so I got myself writing this evening. Everything is great by the way. I am loving my full-time job still as a substitute teacher. Doing volunteer work still. LEAD job, too. Being with my b/f. It's all gravy baby!

1/22/2006 7:32 PM
As Soon as I Sat Down to Write

…I started to feel better and forget the sore throat and head-ache that annoyed me. Writing has been comfort and my release – the anchor that pulls me down under warming caressing waters after the waves of pain shove me underneath. Writing is something I can do naturally. I may not be able to do cartwheels or always speak the right words or wear a size six, but I can write.

For this first blog entry, I was unsure of what to post like many others in this course, but I’ve decided to blog about identity and reflection. I was also unsure about length, and I apologize in advance if this is too long. Something I love about blogging is the responses in the form of comments as well as knowing that SOMEONE will read and SOMEONE will relate.

I associate reflection with identity because of what we see when we look in the mirror. Do we see someone who longs to be thin because of the diet world of America? Do we see lines of stress etched around the roundness of our faces? Do we see someone whose eyes criticize? Do we see someone who forgets to laugh because “life’s gotten just too hard?” Do we see someone who absorbs negativity into a frown? Do we see someone whose mouth shoots words of ridicule about one person to make others laugh? Do we see someone whose eyes crinkle with anger?

Do we see someone whose eyes crinkle with joy and laughter? Do we see someone who smiles from the heart?

When I look in the mirror, I smile because God has given me a new day and I’m alive. I smile because I have both hands and both feet to do God’s will because I know that others do not. I think about what so many people take for granted – how so many people are lazy and satisfied with their everyday lives that they do not rise higher. I question why some parents don’t let their kids go to church or tell them that they are loved. I try to understand why thirteen year olds get pregnant because no one ever told them right from wrong or said “I love you.”

In my experiences as a substitute teacher, I have noticed how the children look up to me. It’s then I glance in the mirror and I wonder, “what do I want them to see?” Do I want them to see my frustration or impatience? No, I want them to see a positive attitude and enjoy the atmosphere of a learning environment. I understand that what we see in the mirror is a reflection of ourselves. Most importantly, our reflections are what others see and interpret about our identity. What kind of example do we want to set for the next generation?

2006 - Super Year

Hey bloggers: 2006 is going well. I am enjoying it and adjusting to the routine which I will slip into next year like an old pair of comfortable jeans.

I was reading some blogs of my friends. I got this little vibe from a friend that he's falling in love and I'm so happy for him. It's awesome to relate to that falling in love feeling. Love songs have meaning to me again. I actually sing along with them again. I'm not so bittersweet about love anymore - I've handed myself over on a silver platter. It's beautiful how my male friends are still my friends and they have a great amount of respect for my relationship.

At the same time, I am who I am. And, I haven't changed. The Daniela Romo quote is still my guide: Es verdad que te adoro pero mas adoro yo - it's true that I love you but I love me more. (I'm addressing a reader deliberately lol)

I've embraced Tony like no other man. I've had life-changing experiences with him (remember I exaggerate) but yes, moments I'll never forget - those moments I am adjusting to - ahh, I'll save it for the reflections blog.

I wanted to touch on the subject that it's so sparkling beautiful to fall in love and keep my identity and look forward to who I will become with this wonderful man. I'm all grinning here - dimples showing. I could so easily sink into negativity - let those rushing waters drown me - but I'm choosing not to. I am ignoring the fact that my computer keeps shutting off by itself - stupid virus - ignoring the fact I gotta pay my tuition soon - embracing the fact that I'm alive - embracing the fact that I can go to school. Being grateful for everything in my life. :)

Farewell to 2005 and Welcome to 2006

Farewell to 2005 and Welcome to 2006

The year of 2005 is gone.
- the heartbreak
- the trials
- the lessons
- the experiences.
The memories remain
- my god daughter’s birth
- my re-discovery of self
- my reconstruction of confidence
- my shouts of womanhood
The new beginnings continue
- new friendships
- new love
- new discoveries
- new paths to cross
The constant cycle of life circles
- recognizing God’s will
- seeking completion
- desiring accomplishment of goals
- striving to inhale determination.

Let’s embrace 2006 with my new blogging appearance, (still editing it) and accept the new challenges that rush at us, wanting to be embraced.