Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Revelations and Realizations
I have grown closer to God through prayer, Bible-study, church, and experiences. He is helping me every day of my life. Credit to God for the above photo - the good news - ... Tony and I are back together!! I say that in exclamations, because I am very grateful. All this time that I gave him back to God; he showed up back in my life a month ago. Some days I feel like he never left my side, and other days, I feel as if I am with this brand-new man who God has placed by my side for only reasons He has yet to reveal. Right now, we are enjoying each other; we still have some bridges to cross, but we will cross those bridges with faith. We're not letting go. The first days were filled with tears of forgiveness, peace, and joy. I still cry sometimes, because I am so thankful for him. I love him that much, that when I am with him, I feel myself exploding with joy.
Why do I love Tony so much? Because of his vision and perception. When he looks at me, he sees my soul, my heart, my mind, my desires, - most importantly, my faith. I dated/talked to other men while we were apart, and none of them saw me the way that Tony sees me. He does not just see "a woman who has a lot going for her.." but sees a woman who loves God and is commited to her relationship with Jesus. I learned this over the summer - that's how I want a man to see me. I never thought Tony would come back and see me that way, and stare into my eyes with such warmth and understanding.
I cannot believe a month has passed since I last blogged. I get so wrapped up in my life; I am not even a full-time student anymore, but still find myself so busy. A lot has taken place over the past month. Wonderful exciting news. I am still a full-time substitute, and let me tell you that ~God is using me every day~ to help those kids. I just got a call to go teach 7th grade Math; the teacher actually requested me. Neat-O!
Over the past month, I realized a lot of things like "I got so much love to give..." I am thinking of the Barry White song hahaha. No, but seriously, I know the joy that God gives me in his Divine Love. I am also ecstatic that I have Tony in my life who never gets bored with me, but instead, we have these amazing conversations and experiences together. We are getting to know each other on a different level, not just physically, emotionally, but also spriitually.
The revelation that has taken place... a few weeks ago, God showed me where I need to be right now. You know, I was struggling about teaching and going to grad school all the time - worrying, surrendering to God... then, He showed me where I am most needed right now. I have a gift for working with kids; I understand them; I relate to them. Grad school is gonna wait. One evening that Tony and I spent together, we went to a football game, got rained on after about 20 mins, and then ran to the car, tried to dry off, then talked to each other. He was amazed at how close these kids are to me, and how I know exactly what to say to them. He told me how I had a gift, and that touched me greatly. I felt an incredible joy while at the football game, almost like a celebrity because the kids were just running up to me to hug me and yell out, "Ms. C!" Those kids @ that south side middle school will always have a special place in my heart, because they have spoken to me and said in so little words, "You are the coolest! We need you! we look up to you." Ahh, they do. They copy the kind of clothes I wear, even the way I talk, I've caught some girls doing that. Or whatever I say, they believe me. They see me as an example. I gotta be there for them. So, I am going to start teh teacher certification process - it's an extensive fast-paced workshop, but by next August of 2007, I should have my own classroom so woohoo!!!
We went to chruch that evening, and I felt a wonderful wave of peace pass through my body that I thought I was goign to pass out from hunger or the Holy Spirit or maybe a combination? There was a sermon about working with youth and how they need Godly people to lead them not only on the right path but to Jesus. I understood, and I saw myself doing that, continuing to do that, and it was then that I kneeled on my knees and offered praise and thanksgiving to God.