Sunday, October 15, 2006

My Storm, My Testimony, My New Beginning

Months ago, I was battling and struggling with a storm in my life, but I was growing closer to God -complete surrender. For the first time in my life, I put most of my worries away, and put Jesus in the driver's seat. That's why I played "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood for the longest on this blog. Within, I was fighting the enemy and my heart. My heart was telling me something else and the enemy was telling me something else. A true emotional tug-of-war. Yet, I prevailed. At one point in my life, some adminstrators told me that I should not be a teacher and abused their power in a horrible way that degraded me. I stood firm to my belief and stated my purpose yet was punished for stating the truth. Amazing how bad experiences can scar us. I wanted to stay away from public education. I did not want to deal with these issues again. I was going to avoid it, but then, my life took a turn. An angel appeared before me in a vision, and suddenly, I knew there was this calling inside me to teach again. That's why I pursued substitute teaching again, and that familiar joy lit me up inside -that fire rose within me and I could smile again with the knowledge of God's blessing.

I share this because it is a testimony in itself. Things happen in our lives, but we learn despite all the darkness, God is going to bring light again in our lives.

When I suffered from anxiety,
lack of sleep,
tossing and turning,
because I did not know
which direction to go

God showed me the way
not only through
the children that I teach
the lives that I touch
but other people
who spoke about the need
for positive role models

Then that burst of light
fell upon me
bathed me
cleansed me
guided me

I sang the song,
crying out to God
"Take me, mold me, use me, fill me, I give my life to the Potter's hand.
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life, to the Potter's hand."

He showed me His purpose for me. A great Revealation.

Then last week, an opportunity was presented before me. A teacher I had subbed for is leaving; she approached me about taking over her class. I was unsure, but I agreed.
I just told God, "You know what is in Your plan for me... my life is in your hands. You are my strength." The teacher and I discussed it, and then she said she would recommend me to the principal so that I could begin and take over her class. I prayed on it immediately on Wednseday night.
Thursday morning, my boss sent me back to the middle school, so I knew that I needed to approach the principal. I was not nervous at all, but relaxed and confident. He said that he would have to consult the personnel directior about me taking over the class.
Thursday night, I prayed again, but not so much that I had anxiety, but enough to let Jesus know that he was in the driver's seat.
Friday morning, the principal showed up outside my classroom door, and asked me if I was serious about teaching the 6th grade Reading class, and I nodded, not able to hide the smile and gratitude that was shining on my face. Wow! My own classroom. It has always been my dream since I was a little girl, and here I am, living my dream.
Amazing how I used to play school, and I worked hard during college to be on my way to a Master's degree, and here God places me in a classroom, mentoring, shaping, and molding the next generation. Thanks to God!
I still have the teacher certification process to complete, so that I may receive benefits and the teacher salary, but that's another struggle that God is going to help me with.

I've spoken about new attitudes - little did I know that my new attitude would bring me such blessing. I did not expect this so soon, but it's an answer to my prayer and those innocent dreams I had as a little girl.
I am ready... ------------ to embrace this new beginning in my life.

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