Let Me Get This Off My Chest

It hit me right to the core when she said. My eyes nearly rolled out of my head like small rolling balls of surprise. I had to blink and pause, what did she just say?
"Narrative Fiction" will not be offered in the Spring. WHAT? No, this can't be! I need that class to graduate! That is one of the last ENGLISH courses I need to complete my degree. The professor is going on research-leave so she will not be teaching. I am glad she's going on research leave - good for her.
"No one else has offered to teach it, so I don't know what's going to happen. We'll probably offer it in the summer." The summer? What? I want to graduate in the Spring! Four years = bachelor degree. I've worked so hard the past three years, SO HARD. I've stayed inside and studied when I wanted to go out. I've worked TWO jobs, fifty-five hours a week and more, just to pay my bills so I can go to school. I've exceeded the full-time student credit hours. I've lost so much sleep over the past three years so that I could graduate with my BA in four years and then, they want to stop offering a course I NEED. I am trying not to over-react here, but DAMN! Y'all know how positive I am; I don't usually rant and rave like this, but once again DAMN!

I let the news sink in; I reminded myself to focus on class. Today was the last day we discussed Sandra Cisneros, my inspiriation. I had to swallow my tears and THINK. Maybe, they'll teach it in Sugarland, and I'll just drive up there once a week, yeah drive 100 miles to take a course. With gas being so high, I'll start to swipe that Chevron credit card more frequently. Then, it dawned on me, like a river current reaching the bank and spreading, will Mom and Dad let me drive to Sugarland? Shit... They barely let me drive to Victoria by myself, but Sugarland? Crap! Ahhh..well IF AND HOPEFULLY, they'll offer it in Sugarland, I'll just have to explain to them. Make my point to them. STAND UP for my education as I've tried and tried to do for the past three years.

I've thought about this all afternoon now that is has got comfortable in my brain. I expect and plan to be in grad school next year at this time, working on my MFA, doing what I love = writing. I expect to walk that stage in May and receive my BA. Not wait for it to come in the mail and then particpate in Fall grad ceremonies. I am holding onto my dreams, pursuing my goals. I don't just THINK about something to happen, I MAKE something to happen. I don't sit around, ranting and raving like this. Nope, not my character. I'm determined.

I went to visit Texas State's website again. That's my dream school: http://txstate.edu

I've aspired to go there since I was in high school, heard almost things about their creative writing program. So, that's my first choice in grad school. I went and read over everything; I know the checklist by heart. 3 letters of recommendation; 15-20 poems or 2-3 short stories or 40-50 pages of a novel, transcript. I'm READY for January, when I mail off that application packet and wait...wait till late February when they make their final decisions. I looked @ this site for quite awhile. I'm applying to other school as well, but Texas State is my dream school.

I'm praying now, trying to get rid of this tight feeling in my chest. I think I'm going to have an anxiety attack when I leave the office, scream, cry. something. Ahh, the characteristics of an emotional water sign. I am going to pray to God that they offer that class in Sugarland and it's available at a convienient time for me to take. I checked this semester's schedule and classes are offered on fridays over there. NOT FRIDAYS. That's for the LEAD program; I don't want to stop my work with LEAD. Well...let's just see what happens, I want to walk the stage in May, in my purple gown and receive my degree.