Started A Blogging Course

After much persuasion from Abee

Abee's Blog

(my best friend), I signed up for the blogging course and hey, it's been fun! A bit confusion since our professor didn't logg in all week, but hey he's a busy man so I am understanding. Got all my assignments done and, well they want a blog each week so I got myself writing this evening. Everything is great by the way. I am loving my full-time job still as a substitute teacher. Doing volunteer work still. LEAD job, too. Being with my b/f. It's all gravy baby!

1/22/2006 7:32 PM
As Soon as I Sat Down to Write

…I started to feel better and forget the sore throat and head-ache that annoyed me. Writing has been comfort and my release – the anchor that pulls me down under warming caressing waters after the waves of pain shove me underneath. Writing is something I can do naturally. I may not be able to do cartwheels or always speak the right words or wear a size six, but I can write.

For this first blog entry, I was unsure of what to post like many others in this course, but I’ve decided to blog about identity and reflection. I was also unsure about length, and I apologize in advance if this is too long. Something I love about blogging is the responses in the form of comments as well as knowing that SOMEONE will read and SOMEONE will relate.

I associate reflection with identity because of what we see when we look in the mirror. Do we see someone who longs to be thin because of the diet world of America? Do we see lines of stress etched around the roundness of our faces? Do we see someone whose eyes criticize? Do we see someone who forgets to laugh because “life’s gotten just too hard?” Do we see someone who absorbs negativity into a frown? Do we see someone whose mouth shoots words of ridicule about one person to make others laugh? Do we see someone whose eyes crinkle with anger?

Do we see someone whose eyes crinkle with joy and laughter? Do we see someone who smiles from the heart?

When I look in the mirror, I smile because God has given me a new day and I’m alive. I smile because I have both hands and both feet to do God’s will because I know that others do not. I think about what so many people take for granted – how so many people are lazy and satisfied with their everyday lives that they do not rise higher. I question why some parents don’t let their kids go to church or tell them that they are loved. I try to understand why thirteen year olds get pregnant because no one ever told them right from wrong or said “I love you.”

In my experiences as a substitute teacher, I have noticed how the children look up to me. It’s then I glance in the mirror and I wonder, “what do I want them to see?” Do I want them to see my frustration or impatience? No, I want them to see a positive attitude and enjoy the atmosphere of a learning environment. I understand that what we see in the mirror is a reflection of ourselves. Most importantly, our reflections are what others see and interpret about our identity. What kind of example do we want to set for the next generation?

2006 - Super Year

Hey bloggers: 2006 is going well. I am enjoying it and adjusting to the routine which I will slip into next year like an old pair of comfortable jeans.

I was reading some blogs of my friends. I got this little vibe from a friend that he's falling in love and I'm so happy for him. It's awesome to relate to that falling in love feeling. Love songs have meaning to me again. I actually sing along with them again. I'm not so bittersweet about love anymore - I've handed myself over on a silver platter. It's beautiful how my male friends are still my friends and they have a great amount of respect for my relationship.

At the same time, I am who I am. And, I haven't changed. The Daniela Romo quote is still my guide: Es verdad que te adoro pero mas adoro yo - it's true that I love you but I love me more. (I'm addressing a reader deliberately lol)

I've embraced Tony like no other man. I've had life-changing experiences with him (remember I exaggerate) but yes, moments I'll never forget - those moments I am adjusting to - ahh, I'll save it for the reflections blog.

I wanted to touch on the subject that it's so sparkling beautiful to fall in love and keep my identity and look forward to who I will become with this wonderful man. I'm all grinning here - dimples showing. I could so easily sink into negativity - let those rushing waters drown me - but I'm choosing not to. I am ignoring the fact that my computer keeps shutting off by itself - stupid virus - ignoring the fact I gotta pay my tuition soon - embracing the fact that I'm alive - embracing the fact that I can go to school. Being grateful for everything in my life. :)

Farewell to 2005 and Welcome to 2006

Farewell to 2005 and Welcome to 2006

The year of 2005 is gone.
- the heartbreak
- the trials
- the lessons
- the experiences.
The memories remain
- my god daughter’s birth
- my re-discovery of self
- my reconstruction of confidence
- my shouts of womanhood
The new beginnings continue
- new friendships
- new love
- new discoveries
- new paths to cross
The constant cycle of life circles
- recognizing God’s will
- seeking completion
- desiring accomplishment of goals
- striving to inhale determination.

Let’s embrace 2006 with my new blogging appearance, (still editing it) and accept the new challenges that rush at us, wanting to be embraced.

What I Live For

~Creativity
~My LIFE

I took the day off for once because I am sick with a stomach virus and a cold that I must've caught from my 1st graders yesterday. Then my body was stressed from all this running around, must've weakened a bit.

The photo represents something wonderful in my life - this new relationship along with the creativity of Photoshop. (BTW, if you wish to read more about the romance in my life - click this ) It has a few smudges that I need to correct. Ever since Abee showed me these tricks, I am playing with digital photos like a child plays with a new toy.

I am going to update my little blogs soon, wish I could say today but don't know if that's happening - depends on how I feel etc. I've got a lot of ideas for poetry. No other way to express these emotions. But hey there are some poems on my poetry blog if no one has read 'em Poetry Blog

I completed the Fall semester of 2005 with a B average. That's okay for me; I am used to the A's. I learned a lot though and that's what matters. I didn't make an A on the Ana Castillo research paper like I hoped but my professor still said it was an excellent. I need to see her comments.

I've been working about 3-4 jobs for the past month. You see, I'm a full-time subsitute teacher, LEAD Ambassador (we haven't did much lately though), photographer (running my little business there), and a Fossil Represenative on the weekends. You know Fossil watches and belts and purses? Because of my sales experience, I am working as a rep inside Dillard's Dept. store - to be specific - watch department. It feels pretty good to be back in the retail atmosphere again. If no one knew, I used to work @ Dillard's for nearly three years. I know all about retail - the sales quota, the long hours, the demands. I love giving quality customer service though. I like the customers to leave all satisifed w/ their 11 year warranty and stylish watch. This weekend I begin the chaotic 7 days straight working. On Christmas Eve, I have another gig - a Quincenera. I have this beautiful red dress with a bolero to wear. Dang, I still need me some red shoes. I might just wear black. Tony is supposed to come and go with me. It will be nice to go to a baile with a man. He likes to dance - I hope we dance well together.

So much has happened in my life that I want to share. I gotta admit: teaching has fulfilled me. I've worked w/ so many different ages of kids. I have become attached to the 7th graders @ the middle school on the South Side. A lot of these kids are of lower socioeconmic status - they need to see a positive role model of their skin tone - they need to be told that "being there for your homeboys is not what life is all about." I'm talking about gangs. Nothing wrong with tight friendship. Something wrong w/ the fighting and the stabbing. The girls need to know that "having a boyfriend is not what life's all about." They ask me why I am not married, why I don't have kids, and their eyes light up with interest and curiosity when I say "I'm too young, I am enjoying life. Yes, I have a boyfriend, but I've waited awhile." They are interested to learn about college, shopping, working, driving, - all the things I do. They want to go riding in my Impala because it's "pimpin" and I like some of the same rap music. They wanted me to go see Frankie J with them. They tell me about their boyfriends and their moms being strict with them. Then, there's the ones who's parents don't care because they're "not there." It breaks my heart when a little boy tells me "My dad's in jail and this is Mama's 3rd boyfriend- she wants me to call him Dad but he's NOT my dad." Things like that bug me. I care about the kids so much.

Yesteday, I had 1st graders (two day assign. - I got attached) and I was getting frustrated because I felt myself getting sick and I was late picking them up from P.E. because I had to use the bathroom - stomach virus was kicking in. I had a head-ache and I was trying to calm them down. One of the little girls with big brown watery eyes and boogers falling on top of her lip, tugs on my hand "Ms. C, are you ok? You feel sick?" I handed her a Kleenex and said, "I am okay." I forced a smile. I started feeling sick all afternoon but kept the smile. My voice was growing weaker as I tried to teach them Math - not a Mathematician here. The office made an announcement to take all 1st graders to the gym to practice for the Christmas Play. We walked over - single file, hands behind back, no talking. My class was so well-behaved. We lined them up in their spots for the play. They kept their mouths closed until it was time to sing. As soon as they started to sing the Christmas carols, I felt my insides swell with pride "like a proud mama."
It was a great end to a long day. :)

If I do not blog before Christmas: wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Let's remember what the hoidays are about: family, and Jesus' birth!

New Boots~New Season~New Decision~New Love

Hi Bloggers: Elsie's still alive. Y'all already know how busy my life has been. Every day is different; I am loving life, embracing it and holding it closer to me. Finally, feels like winter here in Texas. The air is crisp; the sun is warm. ~When it's cold outside, who are you holding?~ K-Ci & Jojo. I have someone holding me; he's wonderful.

I am wearing these fabolous boots, strutting down the hallways of different schools. I've did different ages and different social classes. Schools where Lexuses and BMW's drive up to pick up the children, and we talk on Walkie Talkies. Schools where the kids are walking home - some long distances.
All different kinds. The junior high kids are hugging me, looking up to me. I am grinning widely, feeling my influence when I hear them say "Ms. C is Mexican, and she goes to college; she doesn't think we're "bad" kids." Nope, I don't make pre-judgemenets. What for?

My new decision...I've delayed graduation. That one course I need is being offered, 100 miles away on a Friday which means I'd have to lose a whole day of work, drive up there. blah blah. I talked it over with my mom; she's understanding - keeps reminding me to stay dedicated to myself and my education. Change is amazing, verdad? She doesn't like all the expenses associated with college though, who does? Why doesn't the government just see that I want to college "apparently" I've been dedicated - this is my fourth year. Nah, I gotta learn to work for everything I have like my daddy taught me. Delaying graduation until the summer when that course is being offered here, allows me to more time for a number of reasons.
~More Time to Be with the Kids - Watch the 8th graders go to high school
~Do LEAD
~Complete My Novel ~ only 20,000 more words to go ~ I am submitting this to grad school as well as a publisher
~Time to get a Minor in Communications so I can expand my career options
I have this dream to work for a magazine or a newspaper. One of my career ideas.

I am looking @ the positive here. Nope, the new man in my life is not a reason. He reminded me to do for myself as I've been doing; he does not want to change who I am. Let me embrace him closer to me, mi corazon, for just being who he is.

Let me also remind you that my other blogs are also updated - been updated. So, while you're here - stop by and take a read of some of my poetry.

Every Day Is Different

Finally taking a break to blog. I miss blogging; I really do because I always have all these thoughts spinning in my mind and I want to release 'em on here. U wanna know what's been happening in my life? Let me give you a brief summary. Brief - do I even know what that word is a writer? LOL!!!

Substitute teaching
School - Mid-Terms, Papers, finally made an A in Poetry
Photography Business Rolling Again
UHV LEAD program - still influencing the students about college :)
Romance... I have a new man in my life. :)
Writing - Why is this last when it is my passion? Because I've been distracted and I need to stop and write more. I've added three more scenes to the novel. I know some of my close friends are waiting for Chapter One. Let me finish editing! :)

Every day is different. Most of my week days are filled with substitute teaching. It's great! Exhausting! But, I still LOVE doing it. I do all ages but lately, I have been doing elementary. I did Special Ed. kids; I didn't mind signing up for this because I have worked with Special Ed. kids back in high school. They were calm, quiet children who were language impaired. I expected quietness and calmness - didn't find it with the kids I worked with. One was a screamer - had to watch him carefully. He was okay, because he would listen when I said 'shhhh." Next time, I had a screamer, she was so loud, my ears hurt. She kept throwing herself on the floor, and I had to restrain her and ended up getting kicked in the thigh - still got the bruise. Thank goodness the other kids were okay. One of them calls everyone "mama" so I got called "mama" all day. Let's see, I've also had 1st grade. Yep! and, I did P.E. and soem of the little boys were laughign at me and saying I was too chubby to exercise. I giggled at this because I know I NEED to exercise. We danced; did the hokey-pokey and "if you're happy and u know it." I like to play w/ children and let the kid come out of me every now, so doing elementary school is fun. I've played outside w/ 'em for Recess. Pushed little girls on the swing so they can go higher, made sure little boys didn't hurt each other. For some reason, a bunch of little boys wanted to all pile up on top of one, so I had to run over there and make 'em all get off. I'm moving around a lot.

Fridayy, I had Kindergarten; I was late because there was confusion in the office, and I had trouble finding the classroom. I had to get after the kids and send one to the office. My voice was hoarse. I was glad to collapse last night. :)

In between there, I did LEAD and worked with high school students. This was great to have this influence on high school students and encoruage them to become somebody as well as influence their peers. We're not there every day @ the high school; we cannot influence 'em the way their peers can. We can answer their questions, share our experiences, tell 'em it IS possible to go to college or a technical school. I got approached by a senior who wants to be a chef. He was so excited when he found about "culinary" school b/c he loves to cook. I couldn't help but beam. :)

Quiz Results ~ More Romantic Results on Reflections Blog

Your Ideal Relationship is Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's. Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too! You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship. You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Check Out My Best Friend's Blog

I got my best friend started blogging

Abee's Blog

I'd like my readers to take a look at this awesome possum graphic art work he has on his blog that he did for this graphic arts course.
So, whoever gets a chance - drop on by! Leave a Comment!
Thanx!

As for me, I am doing well. Enjoying my time off without working. Planning these activities - writing, living, being happy. Thanking God for all the wonderful things He's doing in my life, even this trial of losing my job.

I am going to start substitute teaching - real excited about that. I hope they call me real soon so that I can get a feel of what it's like to be in a classroom in charge.

Bad News & Good News

Ok peeps:

I may not be blogging as much anymore. We'll see - as the the thoughts come and I release 'em.

Bad News
I lost my job...got laid off. I loved my job; I was so comfortable. Apparently, one door is shut and another is opened - in the words of Helen Keller. Trying to stay positive, I already had my little crying fit. My friends have been supportive as well as my family of course.

Good News
I won an awesome camera on e-bay. So I am gonna get my photo business rolling again.

Other News
I am thinking of working w/ the school district as a substitute teacher.
I still got my LEAD ambassador position so I ain't compleltely JobLess.

That's it peeps, gotta run and go job-hunt.
Not My Brightest At the Moment - trying to adjust to change....

Mid-Terms, New Blog, & Ebay,

This past weekend, mid-terms officialy started so I am writing papers, taking tests, studying and reviewing. I stressed a litte, all better now. That paper I completed on Sunday had to be six pages and just when I thought I was finishd, I realized it was only FIVE pages with one paragraph on the sixth page so I had to go and add some additonal information. blah blah blah Glad it's over.

I've had a little bit of frustrations lately, voicing 'em out in my new blog addition to little happy family of blogs: emoxionex.blogspot.com. Don't get me wrong, that new blog is gonna be place to be real - shoot out some poetry, my place to shoot out words. Y'all know what the slang term "real" is. I ain't fake on here, just more casual, shooting out words like I'm talking to you. Over there, I am gonna put a little more thought into what I say...

If y'all didn't know, I got FOUR blogs with FOUR different purposes with FOUR different templates. OOookay, I am a blog addict and a complex woman. All the links on the right side if you scroll your little mouse. I like to be express myself in all these different ways possible. Who's got time to read 'em? Whoever...maybe my private readers who send me nice little e-mails or my blogging buddies.

Ebay's been fun lately. On Friday night, my digi cam broke! After a couple of years of working so well, he just breaks. You see I got the Sony Mavica digi cam that uses tiny CD-R's. The part that holds the CD-R's together just fell out and won't get back in. I cried over this, the emotional nut I am. I was gonna upload some pics of the Parade so I could show y'all! I cried because photography is one of my PASSIONS, I got my own business, I was about to get it running again. Well, I am gonna try to get it fixed, it's going to cost a lot, almost as much as a new camera. So I went ahead and started bidding on ebay so let's just see what happens. I am the high bidder for a new more advanced one, so let's all pray.

Tagged and A Question

Zaria tagged me; here are my answers.

1. Why did you decide on the name you're using for blogging?
Because it's my REAL name, who I am. I try to keep it real on here...

2. If you can live any where in the world, where would it be?
Texas because I love Texas. Then again, I've never been out of Texas so don't know anywhere else...

3. What reality show would you appear on as a participant?
I don't watch reality shows...

4. What's playing on your CD player or radio?
My MP3 CD -about 220 songs - full of soul, hip hop, and Tejano music - got that Tejana Pride!
Some Genuwine, Bow Wow, Omarion, R. Kelley, Jaheim, Mariah Carey, Ruben Ramos, Little Joe, Mazz, La Mafia...top favorites..

5. What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
Make Love, and Sleep, and Make Love again...

6. What was the last gift you purchase for yourself?
Hmmm...my burgundy red purse that has the appearance of embossed leather with a crocodile print - love my RED!

7. Name people pet peeves?
smokers and drunks who fall over themselves trying to talk to me,

8. 3 adjectives that describe who you are?
*Strong
*Bubbly
*Creative

9. What brings you peace, comfort, and pleasure?
writing, listening to music, reading a good book, prayer, shopping - expensive therapy

10. What actor/actress would you like to play "your" leading role?
America Ferrera - about my size

I tag "awwwsoulReal"

I was curious and thinking...here it goes...

MY QUESTION: (Inspired by BvBrotha's comment)

What do you like to do on your "me" time?

MY ANSWER: watch a good movie - ultimate relaxation
shop
cruize the "strip" in my Impala - windows down, system booming, hair flying,
go out to dinner with some friends @ Chili's or Tejas or some Mexican restuarant,
date someone romantic - love those candlelit dinners and conversations
(if someone asked me out of course)

Awwww...I Wanted to Cry

Yesterday we had this meeting to discuss our work in the community - promoting education. I am Vice-President & Treasurer of this organization that WAS funded by the State of Texas until universities abused the usage of the fund - something like that. We're on our own now, but I don't care - as long as I get to promote education and make a difference - I am a happy camper.

Our director of LEAD (Letting Education Achieve Dreams) shared that there were some good comments about me on a survery that was handed out on Friday's visit. I felt real warm inside - this fulfills me. Being able to work in the community and make a difference. I wanted to cry I felt that good. Use my unique approach to tell students how possible it is to go to college. I know I"ve posted about this before, but it means so much to me. I"ve gotta share again. I felt so great that people "heard" my message so well that they commented on it. I could die a happy satisfied woman. I take PASSION in everything that I do. I get so excited about going to give a presentation or doing another activity.

We have a lot coming up - as in a lot of activities. I love to tell people that not everyone is "colllege - bound;" there are technical schools, cosmeotology schools, culinary art schools. All different types of schools. As long as they pursue higher edu. That is what is important.

You know, I don't have children and sometimes, I don't think I will. (got some poetry about it) If I have children - GREAT, sino - if not, still GREAT. Because working with students in the community fulfills me, the way I try to motivate them. The way I stay in touch with some of them, mentoring and guiding.

I have my nieces and nephews; I feel so proud in my family that my parents and older siblings say "Look @ Elsie going to college, you gotta make something of yourself like that." It's taken time - the adjustment of college and family - but they're getting used to the idea. I feel as if I am fulfilling my mission: setting a family tradition of education as well as passing that on to others who DON'T know. I feel as if I've started a new evolving cycle for ALL humanity - especially the WOMEN b/c we reproduce - with the example of my life, and I hope and pray I can continue doing this...

Lifted Spirits

I am lifted right now. Last night was tough. I had a good cry - I'm only human. AND, I'm a Cancer sign, emotional. Had to let out.

Two wonderful - super GREAT - (did I just overdo w/ it adjectives?) things happened today - God is working. He's anwering my prayers, sending me signs.

1) Great Awesome Thing that Happened Today

This woman came by the office today; I visited with her, being my usual social self. She started telling me how she had battled cancer. If you read my previous post, you'll know I was hating on cancer last night. She talked about her treatments and tests and how the cancer kept coming back. Then, they found some in her lung, and the doctors said it was too advanced - they wouldn't be able to do anything for her. Like a strong Christian, she PRAYED. Weeks later, the final test revealed - no more cancer. Just disappeared - no longer there. She pointed up and said, "You know who was working." Reminded me of that old Spanish hymm ~Solamente la mano de Dios~ Some of you may know this song, it means "only the hand of God." I love this song;

it felt good to be reminded of this song.
~ felt good to be reminded me of God's grace;
~ felt good to be reminded me of God's strength....

I said a silent prayer to God - for my uncle. I like to see people - no matter what background - people who have been through trials and tribulations and turned out alright. It's inspiring, it really is. Reminds me that we may fall, but we get right back up. I try my best to portray this in my writing...

2) Great Awesome Thing that Happened Today

I received a txt message from R!!! He's doing okay; he's in school, taking the necessary courses for his job. Good little boy. Hehehehe! R is far from a good little boy. He's been naughty, gonna make me discipline him next time. Making me worry about him like that! I swear, I LOVE that man so much! He's pushing my buttons here, making me want to throw my arms around him and kiss him next time I see him. Naaaaah, I don't think that will happen; we are in our "comfortable FRIENDS zone." But, I am definitely gonna hug him tightly. I miss him, can't wait till our phone convo. tonight. :)

I'm back to my usual bubbly self, praying and thanking God. He's here surrounding me....

Poison and Hope

In a short story I wrote, I called cancer - a poison that took members of my family till their bodies finally weakened and collapsed. I remember my grandma Julia passing away - the way her body withered away, growing weaker and weaker. I was only four years old when God lifted her up to Heaven, but the images are still vivid in my mind. I hated that word, didn't dare to whisper it. I knew what that word meant: death. That's what I associated cancer with, after seeing it, grab and weaken - merciless. We never forget our first experiences; they are forever branded on our memory. We can change our beliefs though.

In 2001, Mama was ill. My senior year in high school. I was busy, as my life as always been busy. I was trying to get into college, trying to find scholarships, and trying my best to be there for her. Hold her hand as her body felt cold and warm with fever. The doctors kept saying that word over and over. "We think she has cancer, maybe leukemia." There it was that deadly word and there it came: determination and refusal to believe it. NO! She does not have cancer. Stop lying you stupid doctors. You don't know my mama; she's a fighter. The pain and distress I experienced during that Fall season. The leaves rustled and changed colors as Mama stayed in the hospital, not growing stronger, enduring more and more tests that only made her feel sicker. The last test would tell us the answer we dreaded. "One more test and we'll know for sure." The oncologist said in his thick accent. I squeezed her hand, standing there - waiting and praying. Praying till my head ached and my ears yearned to hear. The results came back: NO CANCER. Relief washed over me as I thanked God. A warm refreshing shower of relief.

Cancer visited my family again. 2003. My bro. The sibling who I am closest to. He is the oldest and I am the youngest. We have a strong bond. I stood there in the waiting room, shaking with coldness and letting the tears stream down my cheeks. Everyone was crying; I was slipping into shock with the warm tears moving and no other part of my body moving. Just standing there, hearing the doctor's words echo. The chemo treatments began; Mama grew angry @ God, screaming "how could you let this happen to mijo?" I held myself together, praying and reaching for God. He was there, comforting us. Although we did not always "feel" God there, I knew He was there, presenting to us a trial in life. As life is full of trials and tribulations. Cancer breathed another word into my mind: LIFE. Hold onto LIFE. Don't weaken; Don't stop living. Determination. PRAY. Prayer and Patience as I repeat to myself over and over, convincing myself to find the comfort in prayer. After the trial of Cancer's tug on my bro, he entered remission after about a year and half. Wanting to preach @ church, dedicating his life to our Lord Jesus Christ. There are miracles, we believed.

I saw cancer again today, this evening. I should have been more prepared. I knew my favorite uncle had been having cancer treatments; I should've remembered he had lost all his hair. I was not prepared when he opened the front door. Good thing I had my big sunglasses on because I did not want him to see the big heavy tears that filled my eyes. I gave him a hug with an extra squeeze. We talked and visited and he's still the same favorite uncle of mine. Bachelor. Muscular and in shape. I ignored the jaundice coloring of his skin and the absent hair on his eyebrows and head. I swallowed my tears and continued talking to him. He kept asking questions; that's my Uncle Angel - forever full of questions. He told me how proud he was of me, reminding me that I'm the role model for his fifteen year old daughter. He left to go run errands and I stayed inside his house, straightening up -adding a Woman's Touch as my mama would say. I washed the dishes that cluttered the counter tops. I wiped the table till it shone and swept the floor. I stopped at the refrigerator, recognzing all the healthy foods. Bowls of fruit. Gatorade. Wheat bread. Low fat yogurt. Quite the healthy eater, Uncle Angel has always been. I looked at the stainless steel refrigerator again and saw Grandma Julia's photo smiling back. It hit me again - how cancer had taken her from me, leaving me with little memories of her. I blinked away tears. I remembered her song, how she would sing to me. Dedicated Catholic she was, I remember her singing in church with Grandpa, lifting her hands to praise God. I prayed then. For my Uncle Angel. I prayed and prayed. I wanted to cry, release. I looked at my watch and realized I had seven minutes to get to class...........

The thoughts stayed in my mind. We talked in class, discussed Greek philosophy - one of my favorite topics. I was fine until we started talking about virtue, soul, and death. I got distracted. It was so hard for me to concentrate, smile, or giggle at the professor's jokes. I started to think again about my tio. I promised to stay in touch. I promised myself to pray. I promise to be there for him. I remember miracles; I remember Hope with her gentle touch...

Everyone around me tells me that I'm so strong; I manage to keep a smile, despite the stress in my life. Just yesterday a co-worker patted my hand after I'd talked about some frustrations and told me that she admired how well I was holding up. I thanked her, but inside thanked God for granting me the strength to continue. I've had drama lately. Not just the hurricane, but other issues like my worrying for a special friend, interior emotions. When I don't blog for a few days, that's why. I do not like to focus on the negative things in life. I don't even like to mention them in real life.

Life's too short. I've realized though that Life's not a rose garden. Mama taught me that. There are the good and bad things to record. I wanted to talk to someone tonight. Distract my mind. Release my thoughts. Cry some. Just talk. I pressed send to nearly every contact in my contact list on my cellie and no answer. I have trouble admiting this, but there are times that I actually NEED to talk to someone. Actually talk instead of being the patient listening ear. I have my share of talking - don't get me wrong. But I am talking about release - this is what I'm feeling and it doesn't feel good, which I don't normally do. I scrolled down my contacts, repeatedly hitting send. The network was messing up, kept getting silence on the other end. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. Finally, my bro returned my call. He cheered me up a little with his sarcasm; I didn't want to mention I was worried about my tio. I could tell my bro was tired afer a minute or two so I pressed end after bidding a quick good-bye.

Here is somewhere to release, someone may not listen, but someone will read...

There are those times that a laugh escapes my mouth
because my middle name is Joy - I'm supposed to be bright ...
but There are also those times that a tears trickles down my cheek.

We Survived Rita But..I'm Still Worrying...

All My Fellow Bloggers:

I'm BACK! Thankful and extremely grateful that I'm back in the office, working. Starting my week off, here getting back on schedule. Y'all know the usual - my 3 jobs - work, school (UHV part-time job), and volunteer work. I have a busy week here. Last week, was CRAZY. I was worried, scared, a total twisted mixture of emotions. I've never been through a hurricane, and when they kept saying she was going to hit, right where I live, nombre, I about lost it.

Took that little vacation because of Rita, but I wouldn't call it a vacation because it was far from it. At least we didn't have 12 hours of traffic like the evacuees in Houston; we were only in traffic for 6 1/2 hours close to 7, trying to hunt down hotels. Finally, we ended up just west of Corpus - further inland. The hotel stay was horrible; the bed felt like plywood. There were drunk people outside, partying like the hurricane is something to celebrate! Playing music full blast, could hardly sleep. THEN, on Thursday night as I watching the news, a sick feeling entering my stomach; I started to worry about R. He works on oil rigs and ships out in the Gulf; I know he was out there working early last week b/c he called me and told me. He txts me early Thursday morning, telling me to evacuate. HE was worried about me! Then, Thursday night as I am watching winds and rain destroy an oil rig in the Gulf...tears are running down my face. I'm tense and worried, talking to a few of my friends through txt messaging, but still worrying. I took my eyes away from the news and all that drama and watched a movie.

I watched some great movies during the flee from Rita; I read some of my friendship/romance story about R and I. I wrote 1500 words in 30 minutes. They just came out of my fingers into the keys of my laptop, fast and quick. I found some therapy in writing as I normally do. Added a whole another scene to that great novel I am gonna publish some day.

I am still worrying a bit about R. I care about him so much. I love him in that unconditional - I don't care how you are - I love you just the same - way. The way I love all my dear friends with their sarcasm, criticism, and short tempers. Despite all the imperfections, I love him. That's how great my love is for him. I've prayed, reminding myself of "prayer and patience." Wondering at the same time where mine was as I drove myself insane with worry.

It would be a lie to say that I am a LOT better now because I'm not. I've called R's cell phone, and all I get is the voicemail. I've calmed my nerves; I am no longer shaking with anxiety.

I'm thankful and grateful that our home is safe, hardly any damage at all; at the same time, I feel bad for the people who have lost their homes, etc. Those people in Louisiana.

I'm BACK; I'm gonna slip back into my routine of work and school and a little fun in between......