What I Live For

~Creativity
~My LIFE

I took the day off for once because I am sick with a stomach virus and a cold that I must've caught from my 1st graders yesterday. Then my body was stressed from all this running around, must've weakened a bit.

The photo represents something wonderful in my life - this new relationship along with the creativity of Photoshop. (BTW, if you wish to read more about the romance in my life - click this ) It has a few smudges that I need to correct. Ever since Abee showed me these tricks, I am playing with digital photos like a child plays with a new toy.

I am going to update my little blogs soon, wish I could say today but don't know if that's happening - depends on how I feel etc. I've got a lot of ideas for poetry. No other way to express these emotions. But hey there are some poems on my poetry blog if no one has read 'em Poetry Blog

I completed the Fall semester of 2005 with a B average. That's okay for me; I am used to the A's. I learned a lot though and that's what matters. I didn't make an A on the Ana Castillo research paper like I hoped but my professor still said it was an excellent. I need to see her comments.

I've been working about 3-4 jobs for the past month. You see, I'm a full-time subsitute teacher, LEAD Ambassador (we haven't did much lately though), photographer (running my little business there), and a Fossil Represenative on the weekends. You know Fossil watches and belts and purses? Because of my sales experience, I am working as a rep inside Dillard's Dept. store - to be specific - watch department. It feels pretty good to be back in the retail atmosphere again. If no one knew, I used to work @ Dillard's for nearly three years. I know all about retail - the sales quota, the long hours, the demands. I love giving quality customer service though. I like the customers to leave all satisifed w/ their 11 year warranty and stylish watch. This weekend I begin the chaotic 7 days straight working. On Christmas Eve, I have another gig - a Quincenera. I have this beautiful red dress with a bolero to wear. Dang, I still need me some red shoes. I might just wear black. Tony is supposed to come and go with me. It will be nice to go to a baile with a man. He likes to dance - I hope we dance well together.

So much has happened in my life that I want to share. I gotta admit: teaching has fulfilled me. I've worked w/ so many different ages of kids. I have become attached to the 7th graders @ the middle school on the South Side. A lot of these kids are of lower socioeconmic status - they need to see a positive role model of their skin tone - they need to be told that "being there for your homeboys is not what life is all about." I'm talking about gangs. Nothing wrong with tight friendship. Something wrong w/ the fighting and the stabbing. The girls need to know that "having a boyfriend is not what life's all about." They ask me why I am not married, why I don't have kids, and their eyes light up with interest and curiosity when I say "I'm too young, I am enjoying life. Yes, I have a boyfriend, but I've waited awhile." They are interested to learn about college, shopping, working, driving, - all the things I do. They want to go riding in my Impala because it's "pimpin" and I like some of the same rap music. They wanted me to go see Frankie J with them. They tell me about their boyfriends and their moms being strict with them. Then, there's the ones who's parents don't care because they're "not there." It breaks my heart when a little boy tells me "My dad's in jail and this is Mama's 3rd boyfriend- she wants me to call him Dad but he's NOT my dad." Things like that bug me. I care about the kids so much.

Yesteday, I had 1st graders (two day assign. - I got attached) and I was getting frustrated because I felt myself getting sick and I was late picking them up from P.E. because I had to use the bathroom - stomach virus was kicking in. I had a head-ache and I was trying to calm them down. One of the little girls with big brown watery eyes and boogers falling on top of her lip, tugs on my hand "Ms. C, are you ok? You feel sick?" I handed her a Kleenex and said, "I am okay." I forced a smile. I started feeling sick all afternoon but kept the smile. My voice was growing weaker as I tried to teach them Math - not a Mathematician here. The office made an announcement to take all 1st graders to the gym to practice for the Christmas Play. We walked over - single file, hands behind back, no talking. My class was so well-behaved. We lined them up in their spots for the play. They kept their mouths closed until it was time to sing. As soon as they started to sing the Christmas carols, I felt my insides swell with pride "like a proud mama."
It was a great end to a long day. :)

If I do not blog before Christmas: wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Let's remember what the hoidays are about: family, and Jesus' birth!

New Boots~New Season~New Decision~New Love

Hi Bloggers: Elsie's still alive. Y'all already know how busy my life has been. Every day is different; I am loving life, embracing it and holding it closer to me. Finally, feels like winter here in Texas. The air is crisp; the sun is warm. ~When it's cold outside, who are you holding?~ K-Ci & Jojo. I have someone holding me; he's wonderful.

I am wearing these fabolous boots, strutting down the hallways of different schools. I've did different ages and different social classes. Schools where Lexuses and BMW's drive up to pick up the children, and we talk on Walkie Talkies. Schools where the kids are walking home - some long distances.
All different kinds. The junior high kids are hugging me, looking up to me. I am grinning widely, feeling my influence when I hear them say "Ms. C is Mexican, and she goes to college; she doesn't think we're "bad" kids." Nope, I don't make pre-judgemenets. What for?

My new decision...I've delayed graduation. That one course I need is being offered, 100 miles away on a Friday which means I'd have to lose a whole day of work, drive up there. blah blah. I talked it over with my mom; she's understanding - keeps reminding me to stay dedicated to myself and my education. Change is amazing, verdad? She doesn't like all the expenses associated with college though, who does? Why doesn't the government just see that I want to college "apparently" I've been dedicated - this is my fourth year. Nah, I gotta learn to work for everything I have like my daddy taught me. Delaying graduation until the summer when that course is being offered here, allows me to more time for a number of reasons.
~More Time to Be with the Kids - Watch the 8th graders go to high school
~Do LEAD
~Complete My Novel ~ only 20,000 more words to go ~ I am submitting this to grad school as well as a publisher
~Time to get a Minor in Communications so I can expand my career options
I have this dream to work for a magazine or a newspaper. One of my career ideas.

I am looking @ the positive here. Nope, the new man in my life is not a reason. He reminded me to do for myself as I've been doing; he does not want to change who I am. Let me embrace him closer to me, mi corazon, for just being who he is.

Let me also remind you that my other blogs are also updated - been updated. So, while you're here - stop by and take a read of some of my poetry.

Every Day Is Different

Finally taking a break to blog. I miss blogging; I really do because I always have all these thoughts spinning in my mind and I want to release 'em on here. U wanna know what's been happening in my life? Let me give you a brief summary. Brief - do I even know what that word is a writer? LOL!!!

Substitute teaching
School - Mid-Terms, Papers, finally made an A in Poetry
Photography Business Rolling Again
UHV LEAD program - still influencing the students about college :)
Romance... I have a new man in my life. :)
Writing - Why is this last when it is my passion? Because I've been distracted and I need to stop and write more. I've added three more scenes to the novel. I know some of my close friends are waiting for Chapter One. Let me finish editing! :)

Every day is different. Most of my week days are filled with substitute teaching. It's great! Exhausting! But, I still LOVE doing it. I do all ages but lately, I have been doing elementary. I did Special Ed. kids; I didn't mind signing up for this because I have worked with Special Ed. kids back in high school. They were calm, quiet children who were language impaired. I expected quietness and calmness - didn't find it with the kids I worked with. One was a screamer - had to watch him carefully. He was okay, because he would listen when I said 'shhhh." Next time, I had a screamer, she was so loud, my ears hurt. She kept throwing herself on the floor, and I had to restrain her and ended up getting kicked in the thigh - still got the bruise. Thank goodness the other kids were okay. One of them calls everyone "mama" so I got called "mama" all day. Let's see, I've also had 1st grade. Yep! and, I did P.E. and soem of the little boys were laughign at me and saying I was too chubby to exercise. I giggled at this because I know I NEED to exercise. We danced; did the hokey-pokey and "if you're happy and u know it." I like to play w/ children and let the kid come out of me every now, so doing elementary school is fun. I've played outside w/ 'em for Recess. Pushed little girls on the swing so they can go higher, made sure little boys didn't hurt each other. For some reason, a bunch of little boys wanted to all pile up on top of one, so I had to run over there and make 'em all get off. I'm moving around a lot.

Fridayy, I had Kindergarten; I was late because there was confusion in the office, and I had trouble finding the classroom. I had to get after the kids and send one to the office. My voice was hoarse. I was glad to collapse last night. :)

In between there, I did LEAD and worked with high school students. This was great to have this influence on high school students and encoruage them to become somebody as well as influence their peers. We're not there every day @ the high school; we cannot influence 'em the way their peers can. We can answer their questions, share our experiences, tell 'em it IS possible to go to college or a technical school. I got approached by a senior who wants to be a chef. He was so excited when he found about "culinary" school b/c he loves to cook. I couldn't help but beam. :)

Quiz Results ~ More Romantic Results on Reflections Blog

Your Ideal Relationship is Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's. Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too! You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship. You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Check Out My Best Friend's Blog

I got my best friend started blogging

Abee's Blog

I'd like my readers to take a look at this awesome possum graphic art work he has on his blog that he did for this graphic arts course.
So, whoever gets a chance - drop on by! Leave a Comment!
Thanx!

As for me, I am doing well. Enjoying my time off without working. Planning these activities - writing, living, being happy. Thanking God for all the wonderful things He's doing in my life, even this trial of losing my job.

I am going to start substitute teaching - real excited about that. I hope they call me real soon so that I can get a feel of what it's like to be in a classroom in charge.

Bad News & Good News

Ok peeps:

I may not be blogging as much anymore. We'll see - as the the thoughts come and I release 'em.

Bad News
I lost my job...got laid off. I loved my job; I was so comfortable. Apparently, one door is shut and another is opened - in the words of Helen Keller. Trying to stay positive, I already had my little crying fit. My friends have been supportive as well as my family of course.

Good News
I won an awesome camera on e-bay. So I am gonna get my photo business rolling again.

Other News
I am thinking of working w/ the school district as a substitute teacher.
I still got my LEAD ambassador position so I ain't compleltely JobLess.

That's it peeps, gotta run and go job-hunt.
Not My Brightest At the Moment - trying to adjust to change....

Mid-Terms, New Blog, & Ebay,

This past weekend, mid-terms officialy started so I am writing papers, taking tests, studying and reviewing. I stressed a litte, all better now. That paper I completed on Sunday had to be six pages and just when I thought I was finishd, I realized it was only FIVE pages with one paragraph on the sixth page so I had to go and add some additonal information. blah blah blah Glad it's over.

I've had a little bit of frustrations lately, voicing 'em out in my new blog addition to little happy family of blogs: emoxionex.blogspot.com. Don't get me wrong, that new blog is gonna be place to be real - shoot out some poetry, my place to shoot out words. Y'all know what the slang term "real" is. I ain't fake on here, just more casual, shooting out words like I'm talking to you. Over there, I am gonna put a little more thought into what I say...

If y'all didn't know, I got FOUR blogs with FOUR different purposes with FOUR different templates. OOookay, I am a blog addict and a complex woman. All the links on the right side if you scroll your little mouse. I like to be express myself in all these different ways possible. Who's got time to read 'em? Whoever...maybe my private readers who send me nice little e-mails or my blogging buddies.

Ebay's been fun lately. On Friday night, my digi cam broke! After a couple of years of working so well, he just breaks. You see I got the Sony Mavica digi cam that uses tiny CD-R's. The part that holds the CD-R's together just fell out and won't get back in. I cried over this, the emotional nut I am. I was gonna upload some pics of the Parade so I could show y'all! I cried because photography is one of my PASSIONS, I got my own business, I was about to get it running again. Well, I am gonna try to get it fixed, it's going to cost a lot, almost as much as a new camera. So I went ahead and started bidding on ebay so let's just see what happens. I am the high bidder for a new more advanced one, so let's all pray.

Tagged and A Question

Zaria tagged me; here are my answers.

1. Why did you decide on the name you're using for blogging?
Because it's my REAL name, who I am. I try to keep it real on here...

2. If you can live any where in the world, where would it be?
Texas because I love Texas. Then again, I've never been out of Texas so don't know anywhere else...

3. What reality show would you appear on as a participant?
I don't watch reality shows...

4. What's playing on your CD player or radio?
My MP3 CD -about 220 songs - full of soul, hip hop, and Tejano music - got that Tejana Pride!
Some Genuwine, Bow Wow, Omarion, R. Kelley, Jaheim, Mariah Carey, Ruben Ramos, Little Joe, Mazz, La Mafia...top favorites..

5. What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
Make Love, and Sleep, and Make Love again...

6. What was the last gift you purchase for yourself?
Hmmm...my burgundy red purse that has the appearance of embossed leather with a crocodile print - love my RED!

7. Name people pet peeves?
smokers and drunks who fall over themselves trying to talk to me,

8. 3 adjectives that describe who you are?
*Strong
*Bubbly
*Creative

9. What brings you peace, comfort, and pleasure?
writing, listening to music, reading a good book, prayer, shopping - expensive therapy

10. What actor/actress would you like to play "your" leading role?
America Ferrera - about my size

I tag "awwwsoulReal"

I was curious and thinking...here it goes...

MY QUESTION: (Inspired by BvBrotha's comment)

What do you like to do on your "me" time?

MY ANSWER: watch a good movie - ultimate relaxation
shop
cruize the "strip" in my Impala - windows down, system booming, hair flying,
go out to dinner with some friends @ Chili's or Tejas or some Mexican restuarant,
date someone romantic - love those candlelit dinners and conversations
(if someone asked me out of course)

Awwww...I Wanted to Cry

Yesterday we had this meeting to discuss our work in the community - promoting education. I am Vice-President & Treasurer of this organization that WAS funded by the State of Texas until universities abused the usage of the fund - something like that. We're on our own now, but I don't care - as long as I get to promote education and make a difference - I am a happy camper.

Our director of LEAD (Letting Education Achieve Dreams) shared that there were some good comments about me on a survery that was handed out on Friday's visit. I felt real warm inside - this fulfills me. Being able to work in the community and make a difference. I wanted to cry I felt that good. Use my unique approach to tell students how possible it is to go to college. I know I"ve posted about this before, but it means so much to me. I"ve gotta share again. I felt so great that people "heard" my message so well that they commented on it. I could die a happy satisfied woman. I take PASSION in everything that I do. I get so excited about going to give a presentation or doing another activity.

We have a lot coming up - as in a lot of activities. I love to tell people that not everyone is "colllege - bound;" there are technical schools, cosmeotology schools, culinary art schools. All different types of schools. As long as they pursue higher edu. That is what is important.

You know, I don't have children and sometimes, I don't think I will. (got some poetry about it) If I have children - GREAT, sino - if not, still GREAT. Because working with students in the community fulfills me, the way I try to motivate them. The way I stay in touch with some of them, mentoring and guiding.

I have my nieces and nephews; I feel so proud in my family that my parents and older siblings say "Look @ Elsie going to college, you gotta make something of yourself like that." It's taken time - the adjustment of college and family - but they're getting used to the idea. I feel as if I am fulfilling my mission: setting a family tradition of education as well as passing that on to others who DON'T know. I feel as if I've started a new evolving cycle for ALL humanity - especially the WOMEN b/c we reproduce - with the example of my life, and I hope and pray I can continue doing this...

Lifted Spirits

I am lifted right now. Last night was tough. I had a good cry - I'm only human. AND, I'm a Cancer sign, emotional. Had to let out.

Two wonderful - super GREAT - (did I just overdo w/ it adjectives?) things happened today - God is working. He's anwering my prayers, sending me signs.

1) Great Awesome Thing that Happened Today

This woman came by the office today; I visited with her, being my usual social self. She started telling me how she had battled cancer. If you read my previous post, you'll know I was hating on cancer last night. She talked about her treatments and tests and how the cancer kept coming back. Then, they found some in her lung, and the doctors said it was too advanced - they wouldn't be able to do anything for her. Like a strong Christian, she PRAYED. Weeks later, the final test revealed - no more cancer. Just disappeared - no longer there. She pointed up and said, "You know who was working." Reminded me of that old Spanish hymm ~Solamente la mano de Dios~ Some of you may know this song, it means "only the hand of God." I love this song;

it felt good to be reminded of this song.
~ felt good to be reminded me of God's grace;
~ felt good to be reminded me of God's strength....

I said a silent prayer to God - for my uncle. I like to see people - no matter what background - people who have been through trials and tribulations and turned out alright. It's inspiring, it really is. Reminds me that we may fall, but we get right back up. I try my best to portray this in my writing...

2) Great Awesome Thing that Happened Today

I received a txt message from R!!! He's doing okay; he's in school, taking the necessary courses for his job. Good little boy. Hehehehe! R is far from a good little boy. He's been naughty, gonna make me discipline him next time. Making me worry about him like that! I swear, I LOVE that man so much! He's pushing my buttons here, making me want to throw my arms around him and kiss him next time I see him. Naaaaah, I don't think that will happen; we are in our "comfortable FRIENDS zone." But, I am definitely gonna hug him tightly. I miss him, can't wait till our phone convo. tonight. :)

I'm back to my usual bubbly self, praying and thanking God. He's here surrounding me....

Poison and Hope

In a short story I wrote, I called cancer - a poison that took members of my family till their bodies finally weakened and collapsed. I remember my grandma Julia passing away - the way her body withered away, growing weaker and weaker. I was only four years old when God lifted her up to Heaven, but the images are still vivid in my mind. I hated that word, didn't dare to whisper it. I knew what that word meant: death. That's what I associated cancer with, after seeing it, grab and weaken - merciless. We never forget our first experiences; they are forever branded on our memory. We can change our beliefs though.

In 2001, Mama was ill. My senior year in high school. I was busy, as my life as always been busy. I was trying to get into college, trying to find scholarships, and trying my best to be there for her. Hold her hand as her body felt cold and warm with fever. The doctors kept saying that word over and over. "We think she has cancer, maybe leukemia." There it was that deadly word and there it came: determination and refusal to believe it. NO! She does not have cancer. Stop lying you stupid doctors. You don't know my mama; she's a fighter. The pain and distress I experienced during that Fall season. The leaves rustled and changed colors as Mama stayed in the hospital, not growing stronger, enduring more and more tests that only made her feel sicker. The last test would tell us the answer we dreaded. "One more test and we'll know for sure." The oncologist said in his thick accent. I squeezed her hand, standing there - waiting and praying. Praying till my head ached and my ears yearned to hear. The results came back: NO CANCER. Relief washed over me as I thanked God. A warm refreshing shower of relief.

Cancer visited my family again. 2003. My bro. The sibling who I am closest to. He is the oldest and I am the youngest. We have a strong bond. I stood there in the waiting room, shaking with coldness and letting the tears stream down my cheeks. Everyone was crying; I was slipping into shock with the warm tears moving and no other part of my body moving. Just standing there, hearing the doctor's words echo. The chemo treatments began; Mama grew angry @ God, screaming "how could you let this happen to mijo?" I held myself together, praying and reaching for God. He was there, comforting us. Although we did not always "feel" God there, I knew He was there, presenting to us a trial in life. As life is full of trials and tribulations. Cancer breathed another word into my mind: LIFE. Hold onto LIFE. Don't weaken; Don't stop living. Determination. PRAY. Prayer and Patience as I repeat to myself over and over, convincing myself to find the comfort in prayer. After the trial of Cancer's tug on my bro, he entered remission after about a year and half. Wanting to preach @ church, dedicating his life to our Lord Jesus Christ. There are miracles, we believed.

I saw cancer again today, this evening. I should have been more prepared. I knew my favorite uncle had been having cancer treatments; I should've remembered he had lost all his hair. I was not prepared when he opened the front door. Good thing I had my big sunglasses on because I did not want him to see the big heavy tears that filled my eyes. I gave him a hug with an extra squeeze. We talked and visited and he's still the same favorite uncle of mine. Bachelor. Muscular and in shape. I ignored the jaundice coloring of his skin and the absent hair on his eyebrows and head. I swallowed my tears and continued talking to him. He kept asking questions; that's my Uncle Angel - forever full of questions. He told me how proud he was of me, reminding me that I'm the role model for his fifteen year old daughter. He left to go run errands and I stayed inside his house, straightening up -adding a Woman's Touch as my mama would say. I washed the dishes that cluttered the counter tops. I wiped the table till it shone and swept the floor. I stopped at the refrigerator, recognzing all the healthy foods. Bowls of fruit. Gatorade. Wheat bread. Low fat yogurt. Quite the healthy eater, Uncle Angel has always been. I looked at the stainless steel refrigerator again and saw Grandma Julia's photo smiling back. It hit me again - how cancer had taken her from me, leaving me with little memories of her. I blinked away tears. I remembered her song, how she would sing to me. Dedicated Catholic she was, I remember her singing in church with Grandpa, lifting her hands to praise God. I prayed then. For my Uncle Angel. I prayed and prayed. I wanted to cry, release. I looked at my watch and realized I had seven minutes to get to class...........

The thoughts stayed in my mind. We talked in class, discussed Greek philosophy - one of my favorite topics. I was fine until we started talking about virtue, soul, and death. I got distracted. It was so hard for me to concentrate, smile, or giggle at the professor's jokes. I started to think again about my tio. I promised to stay in touch. I promised myself to pray. I promise to be there for him. I remember miracles; I remember Hope with her gentle touch...

Everyone around me tells me that I'm so strong; I manage to keep a smile, despite the stress in my life. Just yesterday a co-worker patted my hand after I'd talked about some frustrations and told me that she admired how well I was holding up. I thanked her, but inside thanked God for granting me the strength to continue. I've had drama lately. Not just the hurricane, but other issues like my worrying for a special friend, interior emotions. When I don't blog for a few days, that's why. I do not like to focus on the negative things in life. I don't even like to mention them in real life.

Life's too short. I've realized though that Life's not a rose garden. Mama taught me that. There are the good and bad things to record. I wanted to talk to someone tonight. Distract my mind. Release my thoughts. Cry some. Just talk. I pressed send to nearly every contact in my contact list on my cellie and no answer. I have trouble admiting this, but there are times that I actually NEED to talk to someone. Actually talk instead of being the patient listening ear. I have my share of talking - don't get me wrong. But I am talking about release - this is what I'm feeling and it doesn't feel good, which I don't normally do. I scrolled down my contacts, repeatedly hitting send. The network was messing up, kept getting silence on the other end. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. Finally, my bro returned my call. He cheered me up a little with his sarcasm; I didn't want to mention I was worried about my tio. I could tell my bro was tired afer a minute or two so I pressed end after bidding a quick good-bye.

Here is somewhere to release, someone may not listen, but someone will read...

There are those times that a laugh escapes my mouth
because my middle name is Joy - I'm supposed to be bright ...
but There are also those times that a tears trickles down my cheek.

We Survived Rita But..I'm Still Worrying...

All My Fellow Bloggers:

I'm BACK! Thankful and extremely grateful that I'm back in the office, working. Starting my week off, here getting back on schedule. Y'all know the usual - my 3 jobs - work, school (UHV part-time job), and volunteer work. I have a busy week here. Last week, was CRAZY. I was worried, scared, a total twisted mixture of emotions. I've never been through a hurricane, and when they kept saying she was going to hit, right where I live, nombre, I about lost it.

Took that little vacation because of Rita, but I wouldn't call it a vacation because it was far from it. At least we didn't have 12 hours of traffic like the evacuees in Houston; we were only in traffic for 6 1/2 hours close to 7, trying to hunt down hotels. Finally, we ended up just west of Corpus - further inland. The hotel stay was horrible; the bed felt like plywood. There were drunk people outside, partying like the hurricane is something to celebrate! Playing music full blast, could hardly sleep. THEN, on Thursday night as I watching the news, a sick feeling entering my stomach; I started to worry about R. He works on oil rigs and ships out in the Gulf; I know he was out there working early last week b/c he called me and told me. He txts me early Thursday morning, telling me to evacuate. HE was worried about me! Then, Thursday night as I am watching winds and rain destroy an oil rig in the Gulf...tears are running down my face. I'm tense and worried, talking to a few of my friends through txt messaging, but still worrying. I took my eyes away from the news and all that drama and watched a movie.

I watched some great movies during the flee from Rita; I read some of my friendship/romance story about R and I. I wrote 1500 words in 30 minutes. They just came out of my fingers into the keys of my laptop, fast and quick. I found some therapy in writing as I normally do. Added a whole another scene to that great novel I am gonna publish some day.

I am still worrying a bit about R. I care about him so much. I love him in that unconditional - I don't care how you are - I love you just the same - way. The way I love all my dear friends with their sarcasm, criticism, and short tempers. Despite all the imperfections, I love him. That's how great my love is for him. I've prayed, reminding myself of "prayer and patience." Wondering at the same time where mine was as I drove myself insane with worry.

It would be a lie to say that I am a LOT better now because I'm not. I've called R's cell phone, and all I get is the voicemail. I've calmed my nerves; I am no longer shaking with anxiety.

I'm thankful and grateful that our home is safe, hardly any damage at all; at the same time, I feel bad for the people who have lost their homes, etc. Those people in Louisiana.

I'm BACK; I'm gonna slip back into my routine of work and school and a little fun in between......

Friends - U Gotta Love 'Em

A little humor:

Shall I lighten my blog up some more? W/ this FABulous pic of my best friend Abe http://metamorphosis112.blogspot.com and I. Actually, I have several best friends but this one right here - loyal, I spend the most time with him. My dancing partner. My listening ear. My humor. My honest opinion. My movie friend. Shall I continue? Ok our friendship defines friendship.

Today something funny happened..well I think it's funny. Abe joined us with LEAD; we're required to wear dress pants - the guys usu. wear Dockers and polo type shirts. That's our uniform. I don't agree with it either because those polo shirts sure are hott here in Texas! Abe is outspoken, funny, and sarcastic. I call him a "smart ass." We love each other - for real! Alright, he's whining, saying he's gonna cut the sleeves off his polo shirt because it's too damn hott! I'm cracking up laughing. Our boss said as long as there is a collar so hey I don't think it would look so bad w/o sleeves. Yeah rrrrrrrrrrrgiht! That would really mess up our "professional image." The polo shirts are navy so the darker color attracts more heat. Oh well, that's our uniform.

To make matters worse, Abe does not like to dress up much. Shoot, he'll throw on his pinstripe dress pants, con chanclas (flip flops) and a muslce shirt, and look pretty good! But, dressing professional - not Abe - not yet. Alright, he hardly has any dress pants so hay vamos a la Mall. (there we go to the Mall) We go to Old Navy to find him some pants; I end up wandering off by myself to look for some cute clothes. I grab some nice silk tops - super soft. Some sashes - I'm gonna wear one of those blue and gray sashes that looks like a tie around my waist when I work w/ LEAD
so I can have a little style. I get a cute pink and black totebag for school. Finally, Abe and I meet up and he has nada (nothing). I'm asking him, "ok where's ur pants?" He says, "they dont have any in my size :(." He's a size 30 by 34. They're all too short, and I'm not about to have my best friend, wearing high water pants like he's ready for the flood. So I leave w/ a bag full of clothes and he leaves with nothing.

Hay, I felt bad for him. We're hurrying through the Mall, because knowing me I'm running late. He "accidentally" bumps into my foot w/ the heel of his shoe. Ouchie! I was wearing sandals! He goes "Man, they didn't have my size and you have a bag full of clothes." He tosses the shopping bag at me. I'm saying "I'm sorry." Cracking up at the same time.

Alright...I try on my silky tops tonight and guess what? THEY DON'T FIT! My breasts are too big; the silk was clinging to my chest so tight, there were lines. Nombre (no man), I can't look like that. Mama says a "stuffed potato." No, I can't wear tight clothes like that. Nu uh! I thought the silk material would tear. That's how tight. I thought in a matter of seconds - I would hear a "rrrrrrrrrrrrrip." I quickly removed the shirts removing the silky beautiful top...and I felt like Abe. Oh well, so now we're even! Looks like I'll be carrying a new book bag in fuschia pink w/ black stripes and wearing a nice tie sash on Friday. But no nice top for me :(. I was thinking "well Abe must've jinxed me!" I still love him though!

Prayer & Patience

To My Readers:

I wanted to encourage everyone to seek prayer and have patience in any situation in their lives. In my last post, I was upset, fearing I'd have an anxiety attack. I had to take deep breaths and as much as I wanted to dismiss the thought, I could not. I've been worried about this course - Narrative Fiction - I need to take next semester to complete my Bachelor's degree that may not be offered @ my school. I ranted and raved; did it help? A little bit to get it off my chest. Blow off steam, you know. The more I thought, the more I realized, I needed to have patience. That's all I can do really. I'll talk to my professor and see what's going to happen ... just wait for the Spring schedule to come out. Stay positive....

Let's all remember to take a moment to pray every day. Pray for our loved ones. Pray for the hurricane victims. Just pray. Period. Give thanks for your life, no matter how bad you think it may be. Always remember someone else has it worse than you.

Learn patience.
Learn to accept
- those things you cannot change.
Learn to forgive.
Learn to live.
Learn to wait.
Learn to PRAY.

Let Me Get This Off My Chest

It hit me right to the core when she said. My eyes nearly rolled out of my head like small rolling balls of surprise. I had to blink and pause, what did she just say?
"Narrative Fiction" will not be offered in the Spring. WHAT? No, this can't be! I need that class to graduate! That is one of the last ENGLISH courses I need to complete my degree. The professor is going on research-leave so she will not be teaching. I am glad she's going on research leave - good for her.
"No one else has offered to teach it, so I don't know what's going to happen. We'll probably offer it in the summer." The summer? What? I want to graduate in the Spring! Four years = bachelor degree. I've worked so hard the past three years, SO HARD. I've stayed inside and studied when I wanted to go out. I've worked TWO jobs, fifty-five hours a week and more, just to pay my bills so I can go to school. I've exceeded the full-time student credit hours. I've lost so much sleep over the past three years so that I could graduate with my BA in four years and then, they want to stop offering a course I NEED. I am trying not to over-react here, but DAMN! Y'all know how positive I am; I don't usually rant and rave like this, but once again DAMN!

I let the news sink in; I reminded myself to focus on class. Today was the last day we discussed Sandra Cisneros, my inspiriation. I had to swallow my tears and THINK. Maybe, they'll teach it in Sugarland, and I'll just drive up there once a week, yeah drive 100 miles to take a course. With gas being so high, I'll start to swipe that Chevron credit card more frequently. Then, it dawned on me, like a river current reaching the bank and spreading, will Mom and Dad let me drive to Sugarland? Shit... They barely let me drive to Victoria by myself, but Sugarland? Crap! Ahhh..well IF AND HOPEFULLY, they'll offer it in Sugarland, I'll just have to explain to them. Make my point to them. STAND UP for my education as I've tried and tried to do for the past three years.

I've thought about this all afternoon now that is has got comfortable in my brain. I expect and plan to be in grad school next year at this time, working on my MFA, doing what I love = writing. I expect to walk that stage in May and receive my BA. Not wait for it to come in the mail and then particpate in Fall grad ceremonies. I am holding onto my dreams, pursuing my goals. I don't just THINK about something to happen, I MAKE something to happen. I don't sit around, ranting and raving like this. Nope, not my character. I'm determined.

I went to visit Texas State's website again. That's my dream school: http://txstate.edu

I've aspired to go there since I was in high school, heard almost things about their creative writing program. So, that's my first choice in grad school. I went and read over everything; I know the checklist by heart. 3 letters of recommendation; 15-20 poems or 2-3 short stories or 40-50 pages of a novel, transcript. I'm READY for January, when I mail off that application packet and wait...wait till late February when they make their final decisions. I looked @ this site for quite awhile. I'm applying to other school as well, but Texas State is my dream school.

I'm praying now, trying to get rid of this tight feeling in my chest. I think I'm going to have an anxiety attack when I leave the office, scream, cry. something. Ahh, the characteristics of an emotional water sign. I am going to pray to God that they offer that class in Sugarland and it's available at a convienient time for me to take. I checked this semester's schedule and classes are offered on fridays over there. NOT FRIDAYS. That's for the LEAD program; I don't want to stop my work with LEAD. Well...let's just see what happens, I want to walk the stage in May, in my purple gown and receive my degree.

Before I Shut My Eyes & Before We Finish Cisneros

Before I lay down for the night, I will write. I will write because without writing, I could not live. We are going to finish Cisneros tomorrow in my Ethnic Lit course.

It will be a sad ending, because as we've discussed her in class, I feel as if I know her as a close friend when I talk about her, because I know so much about her life, her books, her writing, her purpose. I can relate so well to her.

That's the way I wish to live my life, with a vase of roses, and desk of pens in a colorful home. Sandra Cisneros has been my inspiriation as a writer since I was seventeen years old, it is her words I turn to, over and over again, like a trusting friend who is always there. By the way, I am beginning to sound like Emerson saying that books are my friends. I have her poetry books, stashed underneath my school books where I can easily pull out My Wicked Wicked Ways and read. Vintage Cisneros is there on the shelf where I grab it and read through my favorite sections of The House on Mango Street and Caramelo. http://www.sandracisneros.com Check it out.

Before I shut my eyes, I wanted to say how content I am once again. I find it devastating what happened with the hurricane, yet I also find it fulfilling at the same time because I have been able to help people that come into our insurance office. This is one of my purposes in life: to help people. I've donated items already; I donated money today as well. Whether I have it or not, I remind myself the Lord will provide. God gives back what we give out. Without even thinking, I agreed to donate yesterday for the relief fund.

At lunch-time, guess what? I find out that I got a SCHOLARSHIP! I was so happy because as some of you know, I had to take out student loans. I didn't expect to see that scholarship; I didn't see it coming. I am so grateful that I could throw myself on the ground and thank God. Woohoo! Every little bit helps. I've been working on this other essay for another scholarship, so just maybe my tuition will be covered in the Spring. :)

I had to share that great news! I'm happy, truly happy - bursting with joy! What can I say? Life does get better!

Meet Goldie - My New Wheels

Hi people, I promised to post up a pic of my new ride, so there she is. Smooth, fast, and comfortable. I had to get used to riding "low;" I was used to my little truck. Well, I'm saving money on gas now. About $20 a week I'm saving, but I better shut my mouth before they add another 50 cents!

It Felt Different Yesterday...

It's nearly 9 a.m; you'd think I'd be asleep since it's the weekend, and that's what I do on the weekends. Nah, I woke up at 8 a.m. I think my body is trained now with an eternal alarm clock to wake up early.

I woke up thinking about my day yesterday. I worked with LEAD, just to refresh you on what LEAD is. LEAD stands for Letting Education Achieve Dreams. This is my second year working with LEAD, and it feels different to be a returning "veteran" ambassador. Here's my defintion of LEAD: As "LEAD" Ambassadors, we talk to students (grades K-12) about attending college and encourage them to attend. We tell them about financial aid and scholarships. Working with this program has been a rewarding experience for me, and I am glad I have the opportunity to make a difference. I like to tell the students, "Anybody can be SOME-body." We are not just LEAD ambassadors; we're family!

We went to this high school and elementary school yesterday. While there, I remembered the high school from last year when we visited. When I went inside the classrooms, a feeling of deja vu washed over me. I was in a classroom with an African-American teacher (let me remind you how I love African-American people). She had control of that class; she snapped at the students. I could feel the respect in their eyes vibrating. She was down-to-earth as well, calling me "sista" by the end of my sessions. I felt so comfortable in her class with Chopin playing quietly and posters of literary terms covering the walls. In her class, the students were attentive and quiet. Great for high school students.

I encouraged interaction. I watched the way one young guy's face changed. At the beginning, he was kinda like "alright, I'm gonna be bored." Once I started talking about college and how you study something you love and enjoy, he perked up. His eyes perked up at me with interest. He was a respectful guy, raising his hand to ask me questions. Not just blurting out questions. He shared how he loved history, then he mentioned that he liked computers. I told him and the rest of the class about their options in their selection of a major, how theere is freedom of choice. *You can change your major. You can major in two things.* They were impressed; I could tell some of them had not known this information.

It started to feel different when I visited the next class. They recongized me from last year. I felt a sense of pride to be "recognized" an ambassador for education. One of the girls was excited that I'm going to school because I want to be a writer. She's a writer; she shoved a paper in my hand - eagerly.
"I've been writing this story for awhile. Will you please look at it?" I glanced at the notebook paper with written pencil marks in indentations. When I saw the identations, I thought of myself as a writer and how I make hard indentations in the paper. I read over her words. I saw her pain at the first sentence. She was writing about a young girl whose dad had left. Divorce. Seperation. I saw her comfort in writing. I watched her and how her ears perked up when I said *Your background does not matter in college. No one looks at who your family is, whether your parents were married or not, whether you were rich in high school. None of that matters.* As I read her story, I knew then why she wrote. She wrote to tell stories - the same as me. But, she wrote her personal stories as well. How did I know this? I knew this because of how she talked to me. Asked me questions about becoming a psychologist because she wanted to help people, but at the same time, she wanted to be a writer. I told her *Writers come all different careers.* I could tell by her clothing that she was not a high class student; I could tell by her writing that she had talent. It felt different to recognize talent like this in an individual, made me want to teach creative writing courses for high school students - who knows maybe I will.

We took different approaches to our students. One of the new ambassadors told me I "sugar-coat" everything and that I need to tell them about responsiblity etc. This was something nice to tell me, because I do. I sugar-coat things; I focus so much on the positive that I forget there are negative obstacles in our path. It felt different to inform the students that *Hey not everyone qualifies for financial aid; sometimes you have to take out loans.* I took out a loan for this semester. It felt different to tell them these things. I usually do "sugar-coat" everything and focus on scholarships and how that is what paid for my first three years of college tuition. I like to tell them about scholarships. Mention the twelve I received my senior year of college after applying for twenty. But then like Mama tells me "I never promised you a rose garden" I had to tell them that sometimes that free money runs out, and there's the option of loans. I felt different because I was telling them a truth. A truth that we must work for what we have. It is not ALWAYS handed to us. I think it was a necessary truth though.

This is my last year as an ambassador. We used to have more female ambassadors; this visit - we had more males. I like male company, sometimes more than female company. We had a blast. There was a balance there. The new members to the LEAD family helped tremendously with their new ideas, new approaches, new experiences. At first, one that I helped train was a little nervous; I tried my best to ease him into my College 101 presentation. He felt comfortable; I could tell. I wanted to take him under my wing and help him. That humanitarian nature of mine. I am glad to be doing this. Actually I am glad that I had to take out a student loan for this Fall semester of college because the lack of scholarships exposed a new truth to me and how I need to expose that truth to these young individuals I talk to. Hmmm...*don't sugar-coat everything.* I think it's an awesome approach.

Poem: "I Feel Proud When"

Last night in class, guess what I was doing? Listening to a lecutre about the Iliad and thinking about poetry. I was jotting down notes slowly on the right side of my desk and my hand kept sliding over to the left side of my desk where my little purple and brown striped writing journa sat open. The journal was calling to me, kept saying "Elsie! Get your ideas out on paper now that you have them, so you won't forget them. Just do it. Write." I kept sliding my hand over to the left side, writing frantically. My friend nudged me, thinking I was taking notes frantically. No way, I've read the Iliad twice already, and just reviewed the theme of friendship over the summer; it's fresh in my mind. Writing now, that was so fresh in my mind, I had to jott down lots of ideas on paper. About six pages of written indentations in black ink. For some reason, when I write, I press real hard on the paper so that my words are engraved on the paper. Alright, ENOUGH YOU SAY! GET TO THE POEM. SHUT UP! LOL, here's the poem (just a rough draft - subject to change.) Ok, I'll shut up so you can read...

"I Feel Proud When"

People in town recongize me
as one of the Contreras girls
"Si, you're the baby, verdad? La mona?"
- Yes, that's me.
"Such a respectful young lady."
"You make your family proud."
- Gracias, Senora

I feel proud when
people say
"Your bro's a good man; puro Contreras."
"And your sisters? Married with those beautiful children."
- Must be the way we were raised.
Taught to value family above all else

With loving hands
that hugged
and spanked
when necessary

With guidance y consejos
enough choice to be different
in our own seperate ways

With limited freedom to roam
off in different directions
but not enough to wander away
and get lost in the ways of the world

I feel proud when
I remember respect and morals
that has been branded on my skin
for all the world to see
like a bad sunburn
that reddens my face

I feel proud when
I remember Mama said
"I never promised you a rose garden."
And Daddy said
"Mija, you have to work for everything you have."

I feel proud when
my sisters smile
because they drive their own cars
with tinted windows,
tv screens,
CD players,
sunroofs,
we can't forget the cool a/c

I feel proud when
I remember the gravel roads
we traveled down during my childhood
puffs of dust flying inside
drying our eyes
till they itch and water
the truck rattling
rocking me to sleep

I feel proud when
my bro pulls up in his 18-wheeler
coming to grab
a hot tortilla fresh off the comal
he's big and round
with a sarcastic sense of humor
previous signs of cancer
invisible

I feel proud when
I say - I am a Contreras
Con que?
Con - treras
The r's roll off my tongue quickly

I feel proud when
I remember who I am
blending these old-fashioned ideas
from mi familia
my roots
mi cultura
with new generation ideas
of opportunity in life
that I grasp
with a strong hold
with a determined passion
to remember these stories
of family memories
of family good times
de mi familia

No matter where I go
what distances I travel
in my heart
I will always be a Contreras
When people see my face
and see my daddy's dimples
hear my mother's "sin pelos en la lengua" voice
they will recognize me as a Contreras
I will feel proud when...

Comments? Memories?

Tagged Again..Here It Goes

A-Accent: Texas White Girl Accent - Yeah, that's what my friends tell me.
B-Breast Size: 36D - Yeah, I'm blessed, too.... Have to wear VS btw, nothing else is comfortable. :)
C- Chore you hate: chores, all of 'em. I really hate sweeping and dusting, because I can't stop sneezing.
D-Dad's name: Basilio but he calls himself "Wally" Americanized, yep!
E-Essential make-up: Maybeliene Stay Fresh foundation - works like Clinique but costs less. Can't leave the house w/o my "mask" (like Karla w/ her "face.)
F- Favorite Perfume/Cologne: anything by Ralph Lauren or Victoria's Secret
G- Gold or Silver: a mixture...but I prefer silver or platinum!
H-Hometown: Edna, TX - Home of the Fighting Cowboys! - Yes, could I be anymore Texan?
I-Insomnia: frequently - too much on my mind.
J-Job title: Student / Secretary / UHV Ambassador
K-Kids: None yet....too much of a kid myself.
L-Living arrangements: w/ parents till I finish my B.A.
M-Mom's Birthplace: Port Lavaca, TX - She's a sandcrab!
O-Overnight Hospital Stays: When I was seven...plastic surgery. Horrible Accident - nearly died.
P-Phobia: Insects and spiders. ugh!
Q-Favorite Quote: "You have only failed when you have failed to try."{
R-Religious affiliation: Christian, but I still pray to the Virgin. (grew up Cathollic)
S-Siblings: One brother and two sisters - all older. That's right; I'm the baby!
T-Two You are Tagging: Mia and Nana
U-Unnatural hair colours you've worn: none....Mama likes me natural till I move out on my own.
V-Vegetable you refuse to eat: Tomatoes
W-Worst Habit: Procrastinating. hate deadlines
X-X-rays you've had: what hasn't been x-rayed?
Y-Yummy foods you make: "dirt/sand" pudding, cucumber salads - ahh so fresh & green, not much for cooking...
Z-Zodiac Sign: Cancer - yes, Water Sign, you know what that means right?

I Want It to Shine

I Want It to Shine

I am thinking about this short story I wrote. Y’all know the last one I told y’all about. It’s all posted under the title: “Short Story Is Complete.” That’s the blog link, well the title of the blog entry it is posted under. Something like that. Well, I worked on it some more today. I am adding to it. I want it to sound more like a novel, extend in that direction like a shooting star that soars in the sky in another direction.

This is what I want for my story. I want it to shine up there. I want to publish it. Spread that message. Give some entertainment. This is important to me because I feel that is my purpose in my life. This is why God put me here – to tell stories. There’s something about writing that really does excite me. I am always thinking about it.

When I am not writing, I’m thinking about it. Daydreaming. This is a trait of writers. We can sit and daydream, stare at a blank screen for minutes. The minutes can turn into hours and there we go, three hours of staring off into space and here we have it: a full page typed. I know there has to be some writers out there that can relate. Right?

Then there are those times that the energy just surges through my veins at a quick speed like lightning. . And, I must. I must release the words onto paper or into a Word document. This happened the other day at work. I heard an ambulance shriek by and a flood of memories drowned me. I started writing more to a dark and dreary death scene. Then for some reason, my thoughts shifted over to romance. Romance started to simmer under my veins, reminding me of Love’s warmth and joy. So, there I had to write more romance. The scene was just there in my mind, ready for me to describe in infinte details. Most importantly, I remembered the joy associated with love. . The emotions. So I return to being that emotional writer as I shift form description to emotions. It’s fun: I think it creates a sense of balance.

What More Could I Want?

The windows are being tinted on my brand-new 2005 Chevy Impala right now (will post pics as soon as I take some). I'm back in college, making new friends along the way. My job is great! I am excited about doing LEAD and promoting education to this area's youth. I am extremely excited about this because I love giving presentations about financial aid, college awareness, and how it IS possible to go to college.

I have everything I could ever want in a materialistic sense. My mom thinks I'm too materialistic because I like nice things in fashion, jewelry, accessories, cars... She thinks I need to focus on the things that money doesn't buy. I do focus on these things as well.
I feel rich because I have a family to go home to, even though we fight and argue sometimes.
I am rich because I have my baby goddaughter to watch grow up and help nurture.
I am rich because I have nieces and nephews to watch grow up as well. With these all these kids in my family, I don't need to have kids, lol.
I am rich because of the wonderful friendships I have in my life and I'm always ready to make more.
Most importantly, I am rich because I realize that in every thing that I do, God is there to guide me and strengthen me. Every time I fall, I trust that He will pick me up.

I am content with all that I have in life right now. I ask what more could I want?
Well, maybe a scholarship to pay my tuition and students loans off. Oh hell, it happens. God'll give me a good job to pay these debts off. What more could I want? To publish a novel that I need to complete.

I took a priority quiz once. This is what the result was - I'm trying to remember here...
1.) God
2.) career
3.) family
4.) friendships
5.) romance

My friends took the same quiz and were teasing me because of how romance fell at the bottom... Well....it's not that I don't want romance. It's just not something I am looking for right now. I am open for friendships with potential for a relationship. I can contradict myself right now, because my other blog "relfexionex" states that I want a relationship. Yeah, ooookay I want a relationship in time. I don't want to jump headfirst, eyes shut into a relationship with some fool I just met. And, hell no, I ain't about to jump into bed with some fool. The reason I make this last statement because I've noticed lately how a lot of guys that try to talk me, don't even hesitate to tell me their peepee is hard for me. I'm like "wtf?" I wanted conversation and friendship and you're asking for sex? I just met you, fool! I know some people jump in bed on the first night; I'm not going to deny it. But, when a guy approaches me, talking like that, it's a huge turnoff.

What more could I want? Hmmm....more time with R. Because he treats me like a lady. I've never been admired the way he admires me. He wants me to finish school, get my Master's. Keep it together. He warns me, tells me "you better not do something stupid like get pregnant or get married." The reason he makes these statements is because he knows what pressure I go through @ home. I don't even want to get into that. Too long a story. All I can say is: my family values family and starting a family more than education and pursuing my career. He knows me so well, knows that I want to get married upon completion of grad school, have a baby, settle down for a bit. WRITE. But he also understands what comes first. I love to be admired for these positive traits. By the way, R is my FRIEND. I cannot emphasize this any more. The tarot cards say we are not meant to be together; he was my dad or big brother in another life.

What more could I want? I am content now, I really am. I want to just sit back, enjoy my life, finish up this Bachelor's degree, get ready to move on. Spend time with my friends. Spend time watching my nieces and nephews grow up. Last night, Jazzy was drinking water out of her baby shampoo bottle like she was taking shots. I could not stop laughing!

Barbie Q by Sandra Cisneros

If you didn't know, Sandra Cisneros is my most favorite author for many reasons. Most importantly, because she was the first Latina - Mexicana author I ever read. The moment I was exposed to her literature, I became inspired. Ironically, I read "Straw into Gold: The Metamorphsis of Every Day" and these words would continue to guide through my life as I have pursued my college career.

In my Ethnic Lit course, we just began with Cisneros' Women Hollering Creek & Other Stories. What better ethnic writer than Cisneros? I love this course. Number one because I have a background knowledge of most of the authors we will be reading. Number two, because I enjoy any type of literature. Number three, because I am getting exposure to MORE authors.

We read "Barbie Q" today. The reason I am blogging about this is because of all the memories that this one story brought back to me. I loved Barbies as a little girl. I had 48 of them. Yes, I said 48. By the way, - to the reader- what were your favorite toys as a child? When I played Barbies, I made up stories. Barbie divorced Ken and kept the house, boat, and pink Corvette. Things like this. Barbie beat up Midge for kissing Ken. Midge had twins from Ken. Stories, my own little soap operas. My family used to tease me because I had noises on in my bedroom as a child. Noises of conversation and music. Noises of stories. They thought I was talking to myself. Nombre, I was creating stories and my characters (the Barbies) were acting them out. Thought I'd share that personal memory with my readers. Well, I recommend Sandra Cisneros; she's an awesome writer. My all-time favorite.

Her stories and books are so full of culture, emotion, family values, identity issues. Everything! They can be applied universally as well. I admire her talent as a writer. I want to meet her one day. I really do. I want to walk right up to her, give her a big hug, and say "Thank you for being yourself. Thank you for being a writer. Most importantly, thank you for inspiring me."

I'll leave you with this quote from Cisneros in "Tepeyac": Who would've guessed, after all this time, it is me who will remember when everything else is forgotten...

Woman Hollering Creek and Other Stories, page 23.

Tagged Again by Groove

Ok Groove tagged me again. This is fun, gives me something to do that helps me think a little more.

Here It Goes

Seven Things I…Plan to Do Before I Die:
1.) Get My MFA in Creative Writing
2.) Publish a Novel
3.) Travel
4.) Get Married to a Wonderful Intellectual Patient MATURE Gentleman
5.) Have a Baby - when I'm ready
6.) Own a House
7.) Own My Own Business

Things I Can Do:
1.) WRITE
2.) Speak in public in front of a large group of people
3.) Be Open-Minded
4.) Dance to Nearly Every Kind of Music (I Think)
5.) Be There for My Friends When They Need Me
6.) LOVE
7.) CARE

Things I Can’t Do:
1.) Fall Asleep before Midnight Unless I'm Extremely Tired
2.) Say NO When a Good Friend Asks for a Favor
3.) Avoid a Big Sale @ the Mall
4.) Can't Ever Own Enough Handbags and Shoes
5.) Bite My Tongue When Someone Disrespects Me or Someone I Care about
6.) Drive Slow
7.) Walk in Pointy Heels - too clumsy

Things I say most:
1.) Sweetie/Sweetheart
2.) My Love
3.) Nombre (No man)
4.) Hay no (Oh no)
5.) Boom (exclamation)
6.) No way!
7.) Are you for real?

I tag Mia, Shelley, Karla, Suezette, Felicia, Liz, and Fred! You wonderful friends!!!

Started School Today Senior Year in College

I started college this week, and I'm embracing my senior year. Pulling it close to me and enjoying every minute. I had Poetry class tonight, wish I was learning how to write poetry (I already know), but no I am learning how to read poetry. The professor is down to earth. I have class every day, so I'm going to be in and out of the office and back and forth from home.

Well, I bought a new car, a 2005 Chevy Impala. Her name is Goldie; she rides so smooth. We tinted the windows, well actually started to. Me and my bro-in-law. It looks kinda ghetto because the wind was blowing so hard that we could not finish it. So my driver's window is tinted and the others are not. My friend saw it today. He was trying to hook me up with some rims when he noticed that only one window was tinted. He's like "damnn, girl you aren't worried about your passengers, just want to make sure your side is tinted. You wanna be riding cool. Forget your passengers." I started laughing that he could make humor out of something I thought was ghetto. So I'm riding pretty comfortably to school.

Before I shut my eyes for the night, thought I would drop by and let my readers know that I'm back in college. I might not be blogging as much; Imma try my best to keep this blog up. Since July, it's been up and going, so I want to try my best to keep my readers informed. My classes are alright, haven't started writing papers yet, so of course I'm feeling good and it's only the first week. The professors are giving introductions, syllabi, study guides, and reminders. No assignments yet. Wait till next week, I'll be cuddling up with books, oh yeah, I do that already lol. ;)

I've Been Tagged - Let Me Take a Minute!

I'm working here at my job w/ UHV and taking a minute to fill out this tag. I've never been tagged before so this is a new experience.

List ten songs you are currently digging....it doesn't matter what genre, or if they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now.

1.) Selena - Como La Flor
2.) Ruben Ramos, Little Joe, & Roberto Pulido - Los Tres Amigos
3.) Thalia - A Quien Le Importa
4.) 50 Cent - Hate It or Love It & In Da Club
5.) Jaheim - Anything & Just in Case
6.) R. Kelly - You Remind Me & Down Low
7.) Bryan Adams - When You Love Someone
8.) La Fiebre - Borracho De Besos & El Amor Se Acaba
9.) Bacilos - Caraluna & Mi Primer Million
10.) Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On & Sexual Healing

I know I had to list a couple with each artist. I like all genres of music, but these are the first that came to mind. Songs that never get old!

I don' t know who else to tag! Ok I tag Mia, Karla, Suezette, Liz, and Felicia.

Groove Tagged Me!

I was tagged again! Here it goes!

What were you doing 5yrs ago?
- I was a junior in high school (yes i am that young) about forty pounds heavier. I was a dork back then, plain jane. Jeans with polo shirts. Long hair parted in the middle. Cruizing around with my best friend RKF and learning about growing up and who we were. Starting to grow, change, evolve, and think I knew who I was. Looking back, I've realized that I've changed; that's part of life, we're always changing.

I was sweet sixteen, one of the most difficult years of my life because I got sick from my liver, a test of my faith in God. I spent the whole entire season of Fall in and out of the doctor's office. I got used to blood tests and needles bruising my arms. I remember I was also diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. A rare form of juvenile arthritis that weakened my knees. I had to stop riding my bike down the road because of the burning sensation in my legs. I took Celebrex which only impacted my stomach and made me sicker. I remember the doctor said I needed to lose weight and I didn't listen. The stubborn girl I was! Five years ago was a difficult time for me, but like the strong Christian I am, I left my problems up to God.

Yesterday?
I was working and blogging, reading, posting to yahoo groups. Had a nice lunch with my mom, yummy salad @ Golden Corral and some ice cream topped with Oreos. I spent the afternoon setting up new insurance policies, helping my boss out, and car-shopping. I want a car; I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I spent the evening with my mom, doing what we do best together. SHOPPING. We went to JcPenney and spent a couple of hours there; I got some awesome deals. I still fit in size 16 :D. They are so comfortable. It's funny but it was almost like I got "school clothes" since I start my senior year in college next Monday. I got some dark blue capris, a red skirt with a ruffle at the bottom, some red shorts, and black pinstripe capri pants.
We ate @ Taco Bell, had a crunchy gordita. Rasberry iced tea. Went home and visited with my two sisters. Nice day. Talked on the phone till midnight with one of my good friends. I love conversation....

5 snacks I enjoy?
popcorn with M&Ms, (saltness and sweetness @ the same time) green or rasberry or Chai tea, strawberries & grapes, hot dogs (for some reason these are great to pick up @ convenience stores), pan dulce (sweet bread), and chips w/ salsa (my favorite past-time with iced water and sliced limes).

5 songs I know all the words to?
1) Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye
2) Last Night by Az yet
3) Quien Me Llevan Canciones by Mazz
4) If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys
5) Entre Mar y Una Estrella by Thalia

5 things I'd do with a million dollars?
1) open my dream business which is a book store/music store and photography studio, and coffee shop that will feature all genres of literature and music, and give clientele the opportunity to have family portraits etc at affordable prices with digital graphics,
2) buy my daddy and family a longhorn ranch
3) buy a Lincoln Navigator truck
4) set up a scholarship fund for students who are wish to pursue careers in the Arts; at the same time, I want to donate money to organizations that promote education
5) invest the rest

5 bad habits I have?
1) procrastination - I hate deadlines!
2) talking/laughing too loud in public
3) shopping
4) speeding on Hwy 59
5) being attracted to losers and thinking they're break their own bad habits and be attracted to me, lol

5 favorite TV shows?
1) Midnight Love on BET - rocks me into a warm slumber
2) Def Comedy Jam on BET - is it still called that? (haven't watched in awhile)
3) Soul Food
4) Strong Medicine
5) That's it...don't watch much TV!

5 biggest joys of the moment?
1) my family and friends, (my friends are like my family - I'll never go lonely)
2) my health
3) my excitement of every new day
4) my energy
5) my LIFE
5 favorite toys?
1) laptop
2) cell phone - lost w/o it
3) my make-up case (love to paint myself up como una mona - like a doll)
4) my hot air brush/blow dryer
5) my eyeglasses - can't read w/o 'em!

Ok, that's it for now and I tag MIA!

Colors - Favorite Colors - Lots of Thoughts!!!

I've been thinking about colors today. I love colors, especially bright colors. Just to let y'all know, my favorite color is red. I absolutely LOVE red; I think it fits my personality well - vibrant, energetic, fiery (is that a word?), full of life. Red is my favorite color to wear because I like the way it lights up my whole face. What are your favorite colors?

I also like blue - different shades of blue. Right now, I've been stuck on wearing this turquoise like shade of blue because my mama bought me this beautiful turqoise 9 West tote-bag for my birthday. I bought this silver necklace @ Dillard's the other day. It's silver, double-stranded, and has a sparkle effect. It has an irridescent blue shell over a silver emblem. I love the way it reflects different colors like pink, ivory, and of course, BLUE! I like irridescence because to me, it represents all different colors of people and their personalities.

Pink has been hott since last Spring. I'm a fashion addict; I used to work retail, and we had to keep up with what was the latest in style and show this to the customers. Wear examples of fashoinable attire and jewelry. I like the pastel color pink. I have matching pink accessories for my pink outfits. I find it hard to find this pastel color pink because all the stores are promoting that bright screaming fuschia. I don't think it looks good on me; I'll stick with pastel pink.

I also like orange because of course, it's bright. I can't find much of orange, red either. I have one orange sleeveless top. Chula is the brand. I did not buy this shirt because of the brand name, "Chula." I bought it because of the bright color. I make this comment because I wear all kinds of clothes by all kinds of designers. My favorite is Ralph Lauren. Back to the orange top, I love the style of it. It's gathered in the middle all the way down. It also has a collar. I spent like $30 bucks on this top; it was regular priced @ $78! (sorry i'm a bargain shopper- had to brag) I hardly ever spend this much on a top, but I loved it. I kept watching it at the store until it got marked down to the lowest it would go, then it was mine. I clutched the silky material against me and felt the softness. Then, when I slipped it on. wow, talk about some comfort!! That top is a little snug on my lonjita (u know that little tummy that pooches out over the waist of my jeans) NOW! Since I gained this extra weight, the shirt crawls up sometimes and if I don't wear the right kind of pants, I'll be exposed. I don't like to expose my body; I wasn't brought up that way. I don't think if I had a slimmer body, I would wear little spaghetti string tops by themselves. I'm modest in some ways. Last time, I wore that orange Chula top was when the Cinco de Mayo Fiesta was going on at the Dome back in May.

I had originally worn some khaki pants with my brown belt that has orange red loops, the orange shirt was worn underneath my matching khaki blazer. I also wore my silver mother of pearl necklace. My hair was curled up in a ponytail. I walked around work that day, all happy and bubbly (as usual). Everyone told me that orange was my color - it looked "good on me." With my skin tone. Well, I start working and bending down to pick up merchandise off the floor. I'm flexible when I'm in shape. Well I keep working...then I go to the restroom. I find that from all that banding and stretching, my pants have split! Yes, and they weren't even tight! I was so embarassed. Thank goodness it had happened right before I got off work. My mom sends me some jeans, my comfortable worn out and stretched out with Lyrca hip hugger jeans. My mom's super great!

I slip into these faded indigo jeans in an empty parking lot. LOL! I'm crazy like that. I didn't have time to stop at a friend's and change. I put on my comfortable leather sandals which are great for dancing and walking, ANYTHING! I pull the belt through the loops. I'm feelign real comfortable. I arrive at the Dome for the fun-fun Fiesta. Stuffing my cell phone, keys, and coin purse into my pockets, I feel my jeans start to slip down a little. I pull 'em up. Well, the whole night they kept slipping down. I'm wearing IVORY colored bikini panties, and they're showing with each slide of my jeans. Just a little bit, but they're still showing. I volunteered for awhile at this Coke booth for one of the organizations I'm involved with, and it wasn't so bad.

Well, it's a Fiesta and there's music playing. Loud Tejano music. Once I'm through volunteering, what do you think I'm doing? Eating a juicy beefy fajita taco with cilantro and hot sauce. Then...my best friend and dancing partner shows up. We start to dance. The Tejano band is a local one, a group of gray haired men with loud voices and drums off-beat, but HEY it's still a band. Music is playing. I know the songs; I know the beats. We're dancing so fast, he's spinning me around quickly and I didn't know I could dance so well on pavement lol! Well, the jeans are sliding; I'm exposed. Dancing so much and having so much fun, I don't care to notice. My brother is standing there with his wife, pointing and laughing at me. I pull them up and keep dancing. We're the only ones dancing; people are watching us like we're during a performance for them. He catches me at the right moments and we twirl in "sync" with one another. It was balance, that soul connection we share. I learned after that...I can't wear my orange top with hip huggers. I can't believe I just shared that; I laughed it off like I normally do. Hehehehehe.

I have another funny experience about colors. I read this book to my little nephews once about colors. I don't remember the title. What I do remember is how it was all about colors and how colors blend to form new colors. Well it's describing how people make LOVE to make colors. How these combine and like fireworks shooting up into the sky, there are new colors bursting forward. After that, they kept teasing how making love is like making colors.

I could go on and on and ON about colors, but who has time to read this? Who cares?

One last thing to mention about colors. There are no colors in love. We love people for who they are, not what color they are. We can love someone because of their attitude, character, etc. Or some characteristics they have that MAY be related to the color of their skin, but this should not be the reason we love people. The best example I can use is how much I love my soul sista. She has so much soul in her that it's vibrated to me over the years. I don't think this has anything to do with her race, maybe it does, maybe it doesn't? She's incredibly honest and incredibly loyal as a friend. We both fantasize about Lloyd Banks and making love to the soothing tones of Barry White, Luther Vandross, and Marvin Gaye. You know what though? My white crazy friend is like that too, so you see, it's not a racial thing. It's what we have in common and what is different that draws us together. My soul sista likes her men with some meat on their bones, some education, and "someone who ain't in jail like most of the brothas in Edna." What I love about my soul sista is how we both love to shop and we love them bright colors, we like to be noticed! I also love how determined and dedicated she is at whatever she does. She has set her standards up high in regards to a man and she won't alter them. I admire that, because sometimes I make exceptions on my standards, why not? I love how she calls me "sista." It's a bonding between us. Some people trip out on me when I mention I love African-American people; hell, I love all kinds of people. Terry McMillian is one of my favorite authors; and I love Soul Food as much as I love HBO Latino! Love has no colors!!! Can I make my point clearer?